𝓪𝓵𝓴𝓪𝓲𝓭 𝓶𝓮𝓻𝓬𝓮𝓭𝓮𝓼. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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synthneon2022-10-09 12:51 am
shepherdtostars) wrote in synthneon2022-10-09 12:51 am
Entry tags:
bloody tears || ❝ our fate so darkly romantic, i will never leave your side. ❞
He roams the countryside...
A journey far from doner
Racing the setting sun this battle must be won
no subject
Her hands give a reflexive twitch at the sound of his older tone. Aymeric is truly him, and he is truly Aymeric--her one and only. The one she bound herself to so many, many lives ago, despite the protests and chiding of her fellows. The one she still desires to be with even in face of all the pain and heartache they have had in lives apart. ]
I want... I want to be with you again... always. [ The tone in her voice is still olden, but phrased in ways Lantaa would speak. The desire is the same in any life, for any version of him. ] You asked... you wanted to try once more... I only came because you said we would be together and nothing would keep us apart.
[ Then, her hold on his hands goes slack. In a moment it as is if she has lost all the strength in her person. She leans forward into his legs, unable to keep herself upright any longer.
Lantaa realizes, rather perhaps recalls, this is how he had found her in the aetheric sea. Void of strength, and almost hopeless, convinced that no matter what the two of them desire, the mortal world would not allow them to act on their bond.
The feeling of shame rises in her--that he must see her in such a state. That she is so very broken in not only this mortal life, but down to her very soul. Surely, it is unbecoming, and even distasteful to see. Unattractive. She can hear the love in his voice, the smile in his words. But, she cannot bring herself to look at him and see his reaction to her broken state. ]
I-I should have left. [ Lantaa's voice quivers. ] I-I should have left the cave sooner... to find you... they hurt you so deeply, and changed you... and I can't heal you. I can't change you back... I can't... even with everything I know... or could know...
[ Her hushed tones turn into a whisper: ] What can I do to mend what they broke, Aymeric? What can I do to help you so you don't slip away again, Costas? I-I don't know.
[ Don't leave me in this life too. Not now, not after we found each other like you said we would... ]
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And we shall. We shall be together, and nothing will keep us apart, even though I- [ Well, the him that has been made so afraid by the turn his life took in this life. ] Even though I might not always know how best to ensure both things become reality. [ But even now, there is a shift in his thinking and in his resolve: a determination to fight for them to be together as they both clearly wish to be.
When she goes slack, his posture strengthens and he holds her up, offering what support he can, because that is what partners and lovers such as them do for each other. ]
How would you have known? [ His tone shifts again and it is more like the knight turned vampire who fears himself and what he might do. ] I did not even know before- Before it happened. [ What happened was not either of their faults, and he certainly cannot imagine placing blame with her. ]
I can't be changed back, and it can't be undone. [ He says that to remind himself of that harsh reality, as he often needs to tell himself that from time to time. ] What can we do now... [ Of course there is no simple answer to that question however much he wishes there was one.
The answer that he wants to give will not change what has happened, but it just might be what they need to keep moving forward together. ]
You can- You can stay. [ The words feel and sound foolish even as he says them, but he presses on regardless. ] Stay with me, and talk with me and- [ He shakes his head because this all sounds completely ridiculous, but he believes that she helps more than she realizes and perhaps more than even he realizes. ]
I don't have any of the answers to your questions, but if you stay- maybe we will learn them together. [ And, perhaps too late, he realizes that when she is nearby, he wants to be more than a mindless vampire giving into his darker urges. Perhaps it is possible to bring together the instincts that seem to sometimes be at war with each other. He can still be Aymeric the knight, but he can also be Aymeric the vampire, as he simply must be because there is no undoing what has been done. She gives him a reason to try and accomplish that.
That is not the only reason he wishes for her to remain, of course. ]
Stay, and I will do what I can to take care of you and love you, and I will not slip away. I promise. [ Neither will he hide himself from her, because that would hardly be living up to that promise. ] Is- Is that acceptable?
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I'm sorry that I'm... [ Lantaa presses her face into his leg gently. I'm sorry that I've become this way. ] I'll do whatever I can to help. Even though I'm...
[ Even though she is so very broken and so very weak in this life. Part of her wonders how he can look at her and still see her, the woman he fell in love with all those lifetimes ago. Her eyes open slightly before rubbing her cheek into his leg. ]
I may not have known, but I could have helped. You wouldn't have had to be alone through it all.
[ Her ears tilt against her head fully with her large tail draping beside her. A small sound of guilt manages to find its way out before she tilts her head up to look at him. The look in her eyes softens as he gives his resolution. Of course she'll stay with him. She'll be with him as long as desires her to be--and perhaps even beg him to allow her to stay if he does not wish her presence any longer.
Her hands gently clasp around his and give a weak tug. They slip from his in order to wrap around his neck and pull him close. She guides him to rest his head between her neck and shoulder, trying to hold onto him but comfort him at the same time. Fingers curl into the hair at the bottom of his neck and his shirt. ]
I'll stay. [ Lantaa nudges his cheek and her tone slips once more into something old yet her current life. ] Forever.
[ Her knight and her vampire. She tries to pull herself up to at least be on the same height with him, but finds her legs would rather not work as she needs them. Instead, she falls slack against him once more. She is supposed to comfort and care for him, and now... ]
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You are yourself, and that is enough. [ And even as he says those words, he tries to take the message in them to heart as well. He is who he is, and that will have to be enough because there is no changing what has happened. ]
Am I alone now? [ The question is, of course, theoretical, as he is not. He has Lantaa now, and her familiar, if she counts. And of course, what remains of the household staff.
It has always been himself who made himself feel isolated and alone, when that was not entirely the case. It seems to him now that his problem was being so focused on himself and his problems that he ceased to look outward at the world around him, to see that he was not truly alone. ]
I had hoped you would say that. [ Because there is the smallest part of him that believes he has very little to give her, other than himself and his care, and he would not blame her for wishing to leave. But there is no doubt in his mind that leaving is not an option for either of them, not anymore. ]
Lantaa. [ He slides his arms around her and draws her in against him just slightly. ] Lean against me if you need to. [ And it seems to him that she does, so he intends to offer all the support that he can give. ]
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No, but... they hurt you... and I'm supposed to heal your hurts. [ Her head rests against him as her eyes slip shut once more. ] If I had pushed myself to leave, I could of been there at the start... and ...
[ Although she wonders if she truly would have been able to leave with the mindset she was in. It took Aymeric having a near fatal wound for her to find him and leave the cave. Even more so, it took his talents and faith for her to find the trust and courage to leave. Could she have truly left on her own? ]
Always, my love. [ Her tone remains in the olden way. The ancient soul inside attempting to promise that she will, despite how broken she might feel. Even if the ancient man cannot answer? She hopes that he will at least be able to hear her. ] No matter where you go.
[ Lantaa tightens her hold on him by a fraction and leans against him as he has instructed. She tries once more to ease herself up, but it seems the emotional state has truly taxed her strength. Her head tilts down to hide in shame, as it must surely look pathetic to him. The bath is far from her mind as now she believes that perhaps retiring for the night is best for both of them.
A soft mewl comes from her in a mix of frustration and embarrassment.
Meteion, on the other hand, smiles sweetly and crosses her arms behind her back. She has much to think on what she has just witnessed.. things to ponder and consider. She gives a small curtsy to Aymeric he looks her way before once more taking the form of the small blue bird and then seemingly disappearing. ]
no subject
Perhaps... [ And this is hard for him to admit, but he presses on regardless. ] Perhaps this was intended to happen, and thus could not have been forestalled by anyone, not even- Not even you. [ His voice falters at this admission, but he does not wish for her to feel badly about it. ]
Good. I- I must admit that I can scarcely imagine no longer having you here, although it has not been very long at all. I realize how that sounds, that I may very well seem foolish for feeling that way so soon. [ Especially since it was not all that long ago that he was hiding himself from her. ]
Should you leave for any reason, I rather think that I would follow after you.
[ And with that thought in mind, he pulls her in even closer, one hand moving to rest in her hair, where he begins to give small but reassuring strokes. And given her present state, he wonders if they ought not forgo their other plans and simply move to sleeping. She might benefit from it, at least. ]
If I might make a suggestion...?
no subject