[ The head of the Astrologian Guild had insisted on speaking with her days after they arrived in Ishgard. He had consulted with stars and cards, even his own soul crystal, determined to believe she was to inherit those duties. Lantaa had wished to deny the offer entirely. Especially when the Astrologian had correctly deduced she was a natural healer. Lantaa felt pinned in spot as the familiar fear washed over her, but the man did not continue to pry or make assumptions. Instead, he merely asked she come to the Guild and see to basic studies. She had agreed only at the encouragement of those in the Manor.
That afternoon and into the evening had been the conclusion of her first week there. She left every afternoon and would come home at various times. She had meant to inform Aymeric at dinner of everything through the day, but such a thing has slipped her mind as he feeds.
He truly has no need of even making the appearance of attending human dinners. She should have known such was the case. Instead, she had convinced herself she was helping him feel more human and like who he was before. Just as she had led herself to believe he needed her aid in balancing his instincts.
He shakes his head to the offered bin and she feels as if the dull blade pushes further into her heart. Lantaa remains silent. She lowers the bin, standing there for a brief moment. Then, she moves back to the bathroom to return the bin to its place. She watches her tremoring hand before curling it in an attempt to calm herself. The notion does little to help as realization upon realization domino in her mind.
He does not wish her aid in feeding, or caring for himself as a voidsent. Why would he wish her care to his person as a knight?
The ancient part of her soul that normally yearns and begs for his affection almost feels as numb as her heart does. Perhaps she has already failed him in this life. Had she only overcome her fear and left when Master Matoya and her other student had. Then, maybe...
Lantaa moves once more to stand in front of him. Her eyes remain casted down to give him privacy so he might finish. The tip of her tail twitches at his words. He truly had no intentions of ever asking her to aid him or be the one to care for his hunger. Why had she not seen it before? How could she have convinced herself that he would ever ask her, let alone need her, in such a way now that the major injuries had been healed? Her heart gives a painful beat and through the numbness she feels the cut deepen at her own childish dreams.
I have always failed in helping you, my love. No matter what lives we live. Always...
The feeling comes from deep inside her soul. The same place her unconditional love flows endlessly. She hopes the pain does not show on her face. This is not his fault and it never has been. The blame lies with her, thinking that perhaps in this life it might be different.
Lantaa raises the damp towel for him to take. She does not offer her aid or ask if he would wish her to help in cleaning himself after his meal. He would say no to the offer yet again.
Once he has taken it from her, she folds her hands together. It does not take long for the shaking to return to them. She hopes that he does not notice even once she presses them into the blue velvet dress given to her by the Guild. ]
You have seen me eat. [ Her voice returns to the hushed tones. ] I-I don't mind. You need to eat... I should have knocked. N-next time I will. I-I'm sorry...
[ Please don't throw me away... I'm sorry, my love... I'm sorry... I only wish to help you carry this burden in this life...
Her head lowers a fraction more as she folds her fingers together to try and steady her hands. No longer will she ask if he would like her aid in the matter. She will only insist he have her blood if the circumstances are dire. He has a system in place, and she should not have tried inserting herself into it. It is selfish of her to turn the affair into something about herself. Therefore, Lantaa curls her hands together further and attempts to push everything down and away. ]
S-should I leave you to finish? I-I can wait outside.
no subject
That afternoon and into the evening had been the conclusion of her first week there. She left every afternoon and would come home at various times. She had meant to inform Aymeric at dinner of everything through the day, but such a thing has slipped her mind as he feeds.
He truly has no need of even making the appearance of attending human dinners. She should have known such was the case. Instead, she had convinced herself she was helping him feel more human and like who he was before. Just as she had led herself to believe he needed her aid in balancing his instincts.
He shakes his head to the offered bin and she feels as if the dull blade pushes further into her heart. Lantaa remains silent. She lowers the bin, standing there for a brief moment. Then, she moves back to the bathroom to return the bin to its place. She watches her tremoring hand before curling it in an attempt to calm herself. The notion does little to help as realization upon realization domino in her mind.
He does not wish her aid in feeding, or caring for himself as a voidsent. Why would he wish her care to his person as a knight?
The ancient part of her soul that normally yearns and begs for his affection almost feels as numb as her heart does. Perhaps she has already failed him in this life. Had she only overcome her fear and left when Master Matoya and her other student had. Then, maybe...
Lantaa moves once more to stand in front of him. Her eyes remain casted down to give him privacy so he might finish. The tip of her tail twitches at his words. He truly had no intentions of ever asking her to aid him or be the one to care for his hunger. Why had she not seen it before? How could she have convinced herself that he would ever ask her, let alone need her, in such a way now that the major injuries had been healed? Her heart gives a painful beat and through the numbness she feels the cut deepen at her own childish dreams.
I have always failed in helping you, my love. No matter what lives we live. Always...
The feeling comes from deep inside her soul. The same place her unconditional love flows endlessly. She hopes the pain does not show on her face. This is not his fault and it never has been. The blame lies with her, thinking that perhaps in this life it might be different.
Lantaa raises the damp towel for him to take. She does not offer her aid or ask if he would wish her to help in cleaning himself after his meal. He would say no to the offer yet again.
Once he has taken it from her, she folds her hands together. It does not take long for the shaking to return to them. She hopes that he does not notice even once she presses them into the blue velvet dress given to her by the Guild. ]
You have seen me eat. [ Her voice returns to the hushed tones. ] I-I don't mind. You need to eat... I should have knocked. N-next time I will. I-I'm sorry...
[ Please don't throw me away... I'm sorry, my love... I'm sorry... I only wish to help you carry this burden in this life...
Her head lowers a fraction more as she folds her fingers together to try and steady her hands. No longer will she ask if he would like her aid in the matter. She will only insist he have her blood if the circumstances are dire. He has a system in place, and she should not have tried inserting herself into it. It is selfish of her to turn the affair into something about herself. Therefore, Lantaa curls her hands together further and attempts to push everything down and away. ]
S-should I leave you to finish? I-I can wait outside.