𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓻𝔂𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓵 𝓮𝔁𝓪𝓻𝓬𝓱. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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synthneon2022-03-09 10:17 pm
crystallinedreams) wrote in synthneon2022-03-09 10:17 pm
Entry tags:
FF PSL | ❝ two-toned echoes tumbling through time. ❞
To this riddle all souls are tied
Brief our moments, brazen and bright
Forged in fury, tempered in ice
no subject
It feels rather selfish on his part, but there certainly is a part of him that has longed for her ministrations and the skill with which she performs them. Discomfort has been his constant companion to varying degrees while she was away, and to have even a temporary reprieve is a more than welcome thought.
And once again, he is thankful that none who look to him to lead and make careful decisions are here to witness this. He still believes his posture in moments like these to be less than becoming and certainly unfit for the Lord Speaker. But he does not have to be in the public eye every minute of every day, and he knows full well that Alkaid wishes to be with him as him, without the mask and mantle he wears as is fitting for his position.
His voice remains lowered as she continues to tend to his side and begins to attempt to stir his aether into movement. The last time that she did this, he reacted very strongly to it, and a part of him recoils from the idea of that happening again. And yet it was a very involuntary reaction, and so he has to admit that it could very well occur once more. ]
All that I could ever ask for is your presence here in our home. I do not wish to pull you away from your responsibilities, especially if you are needed, but I-
[ A wave of emotion rises then and chokes out the rest of what he was going to say. In a way, he supposes that it is just as well that he did not finish that sentence, because she knows just how much he misses her when she is gone. He does not need to state it again, lest she think he has nothing else to say.
Instead, he opens his mouth to make some other comment, perhaps about the subject of their history and their previous lives, but once again, he finds himself interrupted, unwillingly so. The muscles in the area that she is tending contract without warning as her work to cause his aether to move begins to take effect. The knots are beginning to ease, but they will not loosen so quickly.
Aymeric's eyes slide closed for a moment, not wishing to give away his discomfort or the sudden tension that has settled on his shoulders. A part of him thinks that this is a rather sad state of affairs, to have a wound that troubles him so much even now. Perhaps if he were a stronger man, he might tolerate the aches and discomfort better than he does. And perhaps Alkaid grows weary of having to unknot his tangled aether.
Both of those thoughts do little to ease his mind, and so he tries to push them aside so that he might let her do her work and then both of them can finally rest together. ]
no subject
I will write the letter in the morning. I cannot put the duties of Hydaelyn's Champion aside, but the work of a Scion I can put to rest.
[ Alkaid pauses for a brief moment as her shoulders curl. Her tail does awell, gently pressing to her leg with the tip of it near his hand. Then, she adds barely above a whisper: ]
Maybe we will be able to finally begin planning our wedding.
[ She shakes her head to rid herself of the water that gathers in her closed eyes. Now is certainly not the time for tears. Aymeric needs tending to , as well as anything else that may arise before they rest. She shifts slightly, adjusting how her legs rest underneath his head to make it give him a more comfortable place to rest.
Her fingers continue to move at the scar, frowning slightly at how the muscles pull and tug. He is one of the strongest men she knows, willing to shoulder the burden of an entire city and nation to lead them to peace. They are only mortal, only human, and while the wound certainly causes no small amount of pain? At least he is not rendered unable to do the duties he tasks himself with... and at least he still walks the star with them. ]
It's been very cold while I've been away... hasn't it? Cold and no one to seek comfort and warmth from... because I was called away to the First... [ No upset is in her tone, merely reading the aether as it unfolds; making conjectures and observations. ] So much work that must be done for the restoration... not just from the war, but from the resummoning of King Thordan... even if Ser Fancel is overseeing it all... You've worked so very hard and so long... hours upon hours... even if the rooms grow cold, making the wound hurt more ...
[ Alkaid leans forward as much as she is able to with his head in her lap. She kisses his shoulder gently. ]
Oh, Aymeric, my poor knight... look at what I've done to you. [ She nudges his shoulder affectionately in way of apology. Yes, she most certainly must retire. He does not need to be burdened so much by her leaving. Not anymore. ] What else might I do to help bring your heart ease?
no subject
I would not ask you to do such a thing simply because I desire it. If you wish to continue working with the Scions, who am I to stop you?
[ His emotions threaten to choke him once more, and he knows that they are clear in his tone of voice, but try as he might to get a hold of himself, he finds he is unable to in this present moment. ]
Our wedding... [ No sooner does she say those words than the dam seems to burst, letting his emotions spill out in full, and with it bringing all the hurt and loneliness he tried so hard to keep inside while she was gone. His hands clench into fists and his shoulders shake, but lest she misunderstand, he is only reacting this way because he has missed her so much. The very thought of finally being able to plan and have their wedding brings so much happiness to him, even if that happiness might seem lost in the wave of emotions he is trying to navigate. ] I can think of nothing that I desire more than to share in planning our wedding and experiencing that happiness with you when the day finally comes.
[ But no sooner does he say those words than his power of speech temporarily flees. His hands that had clenched into fists loosen and reach for her, although he knows she is right there with him. But she is right in saying that there was no one for him to seek out for comfort. The cat that has been with him for so many years was there, of course, but he did not remain at Aymeric's side the entirety of the time. Still, some company is better than none at all, and he did have the steward and the maid as well.
But none of them were Lantaa, and at times when sleep escaped him, he would quietly walk the halls of the manor, occasionally stopping when he saw something that belonged to her or when he caught the faintest hint of lilies. And for just a moment, he would smile and think of her, even though she was far away.
His aether moves, still twisting and turning in knots even though her efforts are beginning to see them unmade, and for just a moment, the ache in his side seems to intensify, as if responding to occasions in which people sought to hurt him. The most recent one, of course, is the summoning of Thordan, and although Aymeric cannot recall every detail that transpired, he knows it has left its mark in the form of a fear of being turned once again, of being made unrecognizable.
If he could do it without dislodging her hands, he would turn onto his side and curl in on himself once more, but he has enough presence of mind to lie still even as he lightly nestles even further into her lap. He hopes that this is not an uncomfortable position for her, and so he tries not to go too far lest he make her legs ache as well.
He finally finds his voice again just in time to offer a response to her question. ]
What might you do? You have... You have already done so much. [ His eyes once again search for hers, and the look of longing and need is all too clear in them.
But as has happened before, an image... a memory springs forth unbidden, and for just a moment, Aymeric finds himself transported to a different time, and not a happy one either.
Please... Do not leave us.
The words are spoken only in his mind, but she might notice how his lips move soundlessly, echoing the words that he spoke once when he was younger than he is now. The subject of them is, of course, different, but the heartfelt yearning behind them is very much the same.
Do not leave me.
It takes another moment for the mist that seems to be swirling about and clouding his vision to fade, and when it does, he turns his head upward just slightly so that he might see her better. ]
Don't go. [ It is a foolish request to make, because whether she is a Scion or not, her duty as Hydaelyn's Champion may still take her far from him, but it slips out before he can think to recall it. ]
no subject
[ Then, perhaps, it might once again feel as an adventure should.
Alkaid offers him a small smile at his words. Her heart gives a bittersweet beat. She loves him so very much, and parting with him how she must has plainly hurt him deeply the more times it has occurred. Her fingers move from his hair to brush along his cheek in hopes of easing the storm of emotions. ]
Yes, our wedding. [ She offers him a playful smile, ] Although I could think of a few things that you may desire other than that.
[ She attempts to help lighten his mood by flicking the edge of her tail so it brushes along his hand for him to touch if he desires. The fingertips at his cheek brush along his features gently before moving the bangs from his eyes. She keeps her touch light but present so he may find comfort in both gestures while she works. It is clear in her mind that what torments and aggrevates his wound this time is less physical and more emotional. Her gaze remains on him, eyes locking onto his once he begins to search for her eyes again.
Alkaid then guides his hands when he reaches for her. One, she rests against her legs, as he has always seemed to enjoy touching them in their private time. The other she rests to the arm that works on his side. If he feels the need to hold onto her as the discomfort washes over him, then he most certainly can. Her hair cascades over her shoulders as the small smile remains on her face for him.
Then, an ear twitches and lifts towards the door. The distinct footsteps of the Borel family cat heavily beyond the wood. Alkaid does not stop her work or move her gaze from his. After a few more paces back and forth, she hears the footsteps walk beyond the door. The family pet must be appeased at the notion his master is not alone--that or even he can sense all is not well and to leave the situation to her. Regardless, Alkaid makes a note to give the pet his own attention now that she is home.
None of the feelings that he displays or struggles with bother her. After all, she had gone through similar ones in her initial time in Norvrandt and when she returned. She had missed him so much, and so deeply, that she was not sure even K'thisru's presence would help. There were plenty of nights in which she buried her face in a pillow held to her body and wept. The journey to save the First had been hard, in all aspects, and she had truly been afraid. Without Aymeric there, she would pretend he held her, recalling the memory of his arms around her. They always pale in comparrison to him in person, but, it was all she had. That and the engagement ring that still sits on her finger that he gave to her long ago. ]
Have I? [ Her ears lower slightly with her smile turning downwards. ] You hurt so deeply because I am constantly called away from your side. Your wounds are never healed, and such painful things come forward when I mend them once more. It seems as if there is more I must do for you, Aymeric. Not the Lord Speaker of Ishgard.
[ Then, her fingers gently curl at his scar, as if attempting to curl beneath the knotted aether to release it. Alkaid's gaze softens as she recognizes the far away look in his eyes, reliving a moment that surely feeds into his aether churning as it does. No voice comes forward with how his lips move, but she can read the words clearly. Her heart twists then, ears folding to her head completely and the fingers in his hair curling slightly. It is not difficult to discern who he speaks to in his memory. The only question in her mind is if his beloved parents returned to the aetheric sea together... or if they had been parted for a time. She tells herself it is not her place to ask or even know. Not when it would hurt Aymeric so much to ask.
Her eyebrows knit together once his gaze focuses on her again. It only serves to solidify in her mind what must be done. While the world may need another Warrior of Light? It does not need her as a Scion of the Seventh Dawn. There are plenty in the ranks and even a new member that is willing to jump forward headfirst with her sister. Her place is with the one she loves with her entire being, and the home that needs to be rebuilt. ]
I won't. My place is here, at your side, as it has always been.
[ Alkaid rests her hand against his scar. Despite how she must move, she leans down to kiss him. Her nose nudges his chin as the motion is upside down, but she wishes to encourage him. Whatever he needs to ease his arching heart she will see to, even if that means more intimate gestures and less tending to his side. ]
no subject
He has said before that he would set aside all of his duties and titles so that he might be free to travel with her, even though he also knows she would never ask nor wish for him to separate himself from his homeland and his people. He will always love his home and the people who live there, but he loves her too, more than he could ever hope to say. There must be a way to bring both of those things together. ]
The only thing that I desire is to be with you, wherever you might go.
[ The ache in his heart intensifies, because as of this moment, he sees no way to make that possible. Desire is one thing, but the reality of the situation is another. She might retire to be with him, and that would settle one part of the issue, but what of the other? What of his desire to see the world as she has so many times now? There is no answer to that, he concludes.
When her tail brushes against his hand, a smile breaks free of the look of longing and desire on his face, and as her fingertips touch his face before brushing aside his hair, his eyes slide closed for a moment as he drinks in the feel of her fingers upon his skin.
A part of him registers the cat's steps from just beyond the door. The faithful family pet has been a companion to him over the years, and that has not changed with Alkaid's absences. He is well aware that the old cat needs his own space at times, but even so, whenever he sensed that all was not well with his master, he would at least poke his nose into his study before making his way to his desk and curling up beside him for a time.
Clearly all is not well with him still, and although he realizes that Alkaid's ministrations are necessary, the process of having everything he has buried so deep inside him coming to the surface once more is not particularly pleasant.
His head tilts downwards as he once again relives the moments of his parents' passing: first his mother, then his father who followed her within a few short months. He has not spoken of this to Alkaid, not from a desire to withhold information but because he found it too difficult to speak of. How quiet the family home was with both of them gone, and with no one to break the silence but himself and the faithful household staff.
And considering how he had to oversee their funerals and their affairs, he was not in any sort of position to do try and lift the silence that had settled over the house.
But while he will never forget his parents and while he will always do his best to honor their memory, he has found someone who has filled his days with light whenever she is present, and he can hardly imagine a life without her. One day, they will find themselves separated as his parents were, but he hopes that day is far off.
His aether still churns, having loosened slightly, but the knots have yet to fade in their entirety. Then his hand moves from where she placed it against her arm to rest lightly atop the hand that rests against his scar. The wound aches still, but less than it had previously; he simply wishes to touch her, to feel that physical reminder that they are connected.
The kiss further soothes his twisting emotions, and for a moment, he relaxes and some of the tension in his frame fades. But a moment later, he tenses once more as if his tangled aether twists yet again. The hand he placed on top of hers tenses as well, fingers curling to try and grip onto hers.
He has never bemoaned or regretted sustaining this injury, but with how it repeatedly plagues him even now, he wishes there were a way to heal it entirely. Of course, that is not possible, and it is only his heightened emotions talking, but he feels he has grown weary of this constant cycle of her easing the wound and it curling back up once more.
Still, she has done what she can, and he is grateful for that. Even if there is discomfort, he must express his thanks. ]
Allow me to thank you for your aid just once more, Lantaa. [ His voice catches as the wound chooses that moment to uncomfortably throb, but he pushes through it to finish his train of thought. ] I am so very grateful that you continue to offer your assistance, and- And that you continue to stay with me.
[ Of course, he is well aware that they made a promise to each other to one day marry, and other promises have been made, whether stated or not, but he still marvels that she returns to him and remains resolute in her intentions to stay. ]
I- I love you. [ He could say those words a thousand times over and it still would not adequately express his love for her. ]
no subject
Then, I'll take you away: wherever you wish to go. [ Her fingers still in his hair for just a moment.] We will go to Costa de Sol once the restoration of the residential ward is done. Then, I'm taking you away on our honeymoon... and I still must take you to Zenith to see the plaza the Moogles restored. Wherever else you may wish to go, Aymeric, I will take you there.
[ Her fingers then move to the base of his ear and gently trace the outline of it. She knows that it is a sensitive spot for him that could rouse certain emotions, but, hopefully it will be a feeling of content that comes to him now. She traces the point of his ear before moving back down. Then, she repeats the motion.
The silence that had fallen over the Manor is not hard to see or feel. It is a stillness, almost a place of reverence. Allaid can feel how the home wishes to burst with life and love once more, and she wishes to fulfill those dreams. She wishes to fill the house with children and make it a place that surely Lord and Lady Borel would love to see. They have not spoken of it much, but, she imagines he surely wishes to have heirs. While the politics of being a noble house have never seemed to weigh on him? Alkaid cannot imagine that the thought hasn't crossed his kind before.
Her gaze drifts to the side as his mind wanders to memories of painful times. She can vividly recall the news Krile gave after she inspected each Scion upon return from the First. While she and K'thisru were healed of the damage the Light did? Trauma from battles and injuries has made it more difficult for her to bare children. The words cut straight into her, and she still feels the hurt from it. While Aymeric has never once looked down at her for it? She cannot help but feel as if she has failed a duty as his wife, lady of his house, and her own place that would be presumed as a member of a tribe.
Alkaid's eyes move back to his the moment he speaks. A gentle nod is given as his hand curls on hers. The same hand once more turns back to rubbing the scar, encouraging his aether to flow. In her mind she sees the knotted aether and envisions it loosening, her fingers gently moving into the knot and unweaving it. The release is certain to ache, and thus she places the hand at his ear on his forehead to help steady him. ]
I promised to be your wife. My place is here at your side. [ Her fingers return to brushing his hair as she watches for his reactions. ] And I love you... if only I had the proper words to describe it, so you might feel how deeply I feel it...
[ The statement echoes a time in Monument Tower as the snow storm continued outside.
The words catch in her throat for a moment, but she presses forward. ]
Aymeric, do you want... rather, how many children would you like to have...?
[ Her voice falls into the range it does as she worries that a negative responsemay come. Her ears fold to her head, and her tail curls up against her leg. Had one hand not been brushing along his ear once more and the other gently easing the soreness at his side? She would have begun twisting her fingers in her usual nervous habit. ]
I will do whatever I must to give you children... a-and should I fail and be unable to... [ She almost flinches at her own words, as if they've struck her in some manner. ] How many would you wish to take in? It seems far from uncommon for even High Houses to take in orphans...
[ Her voice trails off as the edge of her tail bristles. Adoption is something that she would wish to see to; Khole's home could certainly use the aid. Yet, she cannot stop feeling the clawing feeling of failure inside her own chest at the idea of being unable to give him a child of his own blood. Not simply as a lady of a noble house, but as the place in her tribe would designate if she returned to it. She wonders if his mother--Lady Borel--felt the same way. The head maid had never gone into details of the affair, but adoption seemed to be the only way the Borels would have an heir.
Tears gather in her eyes and she bites her lip to keep the emotions from bursting out of her. Now is not the time. ]
I wish to be your wife, the lady of your house... and mother to any children you'd have... i-if it is what you wish... a-and if that would truly make you happy.
no subject
He finds himself nodding with each place that she names. ] I wish to see all of those places and so much more. If it were possible for the two of us to travel the entirety of our star, I would ask for it. Perhaps- Perhaps you will find it strange, even odd, but I wish only to be at your side, to hear you speak about anything and everything you might wish to... What you like and dislike, your hopes and dreams. All of it.
[ He has realized he could spend every day studying her, and there would always be something to surprise him.
When her fingers touch his ear and begin tracing along with it, a long sigh escapes him, seeming to take with it the tension from his frame and finally allowing something like relaxation to replace it. He still is not truly and entirely relaxed, but at least it is a start. When she repeats the motion, that is when the rest of the tension finally leaves him and he is left simply lying there, feeling truly at ease for the first time in so many days.
They still have quite a bit to navigate together, including her own lingering issues from her time on the First, and his unresolved feelings concerning Thordan and his tempering. But he is certain that the two of them shall navigate those together.
That he has finally entered into a state of relaxation has not changed, but neither has the fact that his old wound still has a ways to go before the knots of tangled aether are finally seen to. As she continues to rub at the scar in an attempt to cause his aether to move, a hiss of breath escapes him as a sharp jolt of pain strikes at him. He knows that this is all part of the process, and when she is finished, he will feel much better, and that is what he chooses to focus on.
After all, it has to get worse before it can be better, and he takes this to mean that the knots are indeed beginning to loosen. ]
I only wish for you to be with me, but if you ever feel that you must go, even for a time, no matter the reason... [ He knows he cannot hold onto her so tightly that her freedom to move as she pleases is restricted, no matter how much he wishes to keep her at his side. ] You are free to go where you will.
[ And after only the briefest of pauses, he adds: ] Only, if you do go, I will most certainly follow after you.
[ And then a small smile comes to his face then, because he would follow her across the star if he had to. ] I have never doubted you nor what you might feel for me. [ Well, there have been moments in which he wondered if he was truly the one she wanted to be with, but he has done his best to focus on what he knows to be true and not on the idle speculations of his often worried mind.
But then she says his name, and his gaze returns to meet hers. ]
How many of them? The rather impractical answer is as many as our home can hold and that we can properly care for. Whether they are of our own blood or not, they will still be our children, of that I am sure of.
[ But he muses over the question, because how many children should they have or take in? ]
Perhaps two girls and two boys, so that they might find someone they can talk to should either of us prove to be occupied for one reason or another. Two pairs of siblings, perhaps.
[ Privately, he has resolved to only think of the possibility that she could carry their own children. There is just as much a possibility that she could not, but he has already chosen to be hopeful and believe that it can happen. ]
Just being with you is what makes me happy. [ He has to reach up to touch her, and his reach does not entirely make it, but he wishes to at least touch her and offer her the comfort he believes she needs. She might be trying to hold in her emotions, but he can hear them in her voice all the same. His wife in all but name needs his comfort, and he means to give it to her. ]
no subject
[ Which is why the ordeal with King Thordan's resummoning and the subsequent tempering truly hurt her so deeply. The fear of losing him is always there, but, having the experience of being in a new place with him... that was taken away. She very much doubts either of them would wish to return to Limsa for some time. ]
You will not be behind me, but at my side, hand in hand. If it were my choice? You would never be following me, my love.
[ She is no better than him. A soldier--a weapon--broken down and still asked to fight further. Yet, that is the charge of the soul given to her and her sister. Take to the star and meet the people, mend their hurts, solve their woes. A charge she plans to share with him in the morrow once breakfast has been given.
Alkaid moves her fingers back to his ear to soothe him as she conintiues to ease the knot loose. Her eyes widen at his initial answer as her heart beats in her ears. Would he truly wish to make a family now? She would love nothing more than to give that to him. ]
A small clan of our own with those numbers. [ Her smile turns from nervous to fond. A pair that matches that description comes to mind, but she decides to hold onto it for a later time. ] Would the head maid and steward be up to such a task? Certainly the old man may not like the noise...
[ She leans down into his touch then. Her eyes close and her tail gently sways once more. The hand at his wound curls only in hopes of pressing below the knot to hopefully, finally, undo it. ]
Two boys and two girls. I think that sounds just right.
no subject
The ordeal with King Thordan tested them both and Aymeric would be lying to himself if he said he had feared that they might not be able to weather that particular trial. But they are still together and seem to be holding onto each other even harder than before. ]
That is the only place I wish to be. [ With her, wherever they are: that is what feels like home to him. They could live in the smallest shack and it would still feel like a palace because she was there.
His aether still turns and twists, and on occasion, in spite of his efforts to keep a placid expression, discomfort still crosses his face for a few moments before fading again. When those moments come, he does his best to just wait for them to pass, focusing on her touch on his ear and his side, and the words that she speaks. ]
Yes, a small clan. [ He manages a smile of his own, realizing that such a notion makes him happy and hopeful for their future together. To fill up the halls and rooms of Borel Manor with children, light, and laughter is something he once considered a far off dream. ] That they are getting along in years is clear, but they have always enjoyed the company of children.
[ Not that they come to the manor often, but there are times when the steward and the maid venture out into the city streets for errands or occasions such as the Starlight Celebration, and he knows they happily mingle with them then.
A long sigh escapes him as he feels her lean in slightly, her hand curling at the site of the wound. The tension there has been stubborn and slow to release, despite Aymeric fervently wishing for that release. A few seconds pass and finally, everything that has been knotted up in the wound and around it loosens and untangles itself.
Another sigh, longer this time, leaves him, and for a moment, he just lies there with his head still pillowed in her lap, finally able to be at ease in the absence of the uncomfortable knot in his side. ]
no subject
[ She smiles at him, a gentleness in her expression. The words are not said for pleasantry. Every word is true and the longing shines in her eyes then. Water gathers in her eyes, but she does not let any tears fall. She simply wishes to be near him always. She wants to see him smile and enjoy the world he so longs to see. Peace has finally come to his home and a life awaits him beyond the boundaries of Ishgard.
If she retires as a Scion of the Seventh Dawn, then perhaps she can take him... ]
Then, we should be certain to make our intentions known to them. Simply so they are not caught off guard. [ Alkaid pauses and blushes slightly. ] Although, I imagine they may presume it will happen sooner or later...
[ Especially given how she is.
At his long sigh, Alkaid smiles once more. She rubs her cheek against his hand affectionately, pressing a kiss to his wrist. Her hand gently pets his hair down once more and the other sets about simply rubbing up and down his side with the knot finally released. She is grateful his reaction is not as powerful as it was the last time she had done this for him. Now, perhaps, he may finally find some true form of rest. ]
What would you have me do now for you, my love? [ Alkaid smiles mischievously at him, but, makes no moves to follow through with her look. She leaves the meaning and intentions open for his interpretation. ] I will have to see to it you have a proper bath in the morning.
no subject
[ Oh, how he wishes he could freely travel about the world, perhaps as an adventurer as she and her sister were before all this began. To have little constraints obliging him to remain in one area or another, to come and go as he pleases: that is a life he cannot imagine. And perhaps it would turn out to be far too free for him. While his own schedule is rather regimented and ordered, he does have to admit he appreciates the organization of it all.
Still, he cannot stop himself from longing for enough freedom to travel about unhindered. ]
We certainly should. At the very least, they deserve that courtesy.
[ In the absence of the dull pain in his side, Aymeric finds himself truly relaxed. Gone is the tension in his frame and his limbs, but the feel of her hand in his hair and her other hand continuing to rub his side is still comforting. He too is grateful that his reaction this time was different from the last one. ]
Now? I would have you lie beside me that we might hold onto each other and either share in a companionable silence or speak about whatever subjects might come to mind before sleep claims us both.
[ His eyebrows lift in surprise as a gentle smile takes his face. ] A bath, you say? [ He wonders at her resolve to do such a thing. Perhaps the bath they shared was less of a conventional one and more of them finding ways to further bond with the other, but he marvels nonetheless.
He is so determined to enjoy her company as she lies beside him in bed that he resolutely ignores the feeling of warmth that seems to be creeping over him. Surely it cannot be anything to be concerned about. Perhaps the fire that the steward prepared still lingers even in the form of fading embers, and that is why he feels warm. Or perhaps it is her presence next to him that is causing it.
Either way, he pays it no mind. ]
Lantaa, I love you. [ He could say it over and over and it still would not express how deeply he loves her. ]
no subject
[ She nods to his request, as it is one she can most certainly see to. ] While I received a proper one... it was far from being one for you, especially with what I turned it into... [ Alkaid's face scrunches up slightly in order to shake off the blush that threatens to take over her face, but, the tips of her ears twitch to betray her attempts. ] And should the idea of shared baths sit so well with you, perhaps I should plan more?
[ Alkaid finally moves as he bid her to, slipping beneath the covers aend holding them up for him. Once he has situated himself, she does as well, lying on her side. Her hands raise to then guide him to rest his head on her chest. Her arms wrap around him securely, holding onto him tightly. Her cheek rests on top of his head as her eyes move to the fireplace in their room. There are times in which she cannot help but marvel that they indeed share a room, a life, and time together. Sometimes she can hardly believe that the once Lord Commander of Ishgard turned his gaze towards her in a way that was meant for more than allies. The days of the Dragonsong War feel so very long ago, even if she knows that it truly was not.
A hand begins to comb through the hair at the back of his head. Perhaps, now, Aymeric might reflect on certain things she did or said in their initial time in Ishgard. While she has shared how taken she was the moment she met him? There had been so much more she has yet to share. So many things... such as that, despite the circumstances, when she and K'thisru crossed through the Steps of Faith into Ishgard for the first time? Her mind had instantly wondered where Ser Aymeric was and if they might see one another again soon. She often walked the streets and kept an eye out for him--on the hope that perhaps she might bump into him. Anything he asked her to do, no matter how silly or small the request, she saw to it done.
At the time she believed it would be the only way to show him how much she loved him. For, surely, there would be no reason for the Lord Commander to have eyes for a Warrior of Light. If she could funnel what she felt into his beloved city, and see him smile at the progress and happiness his people had? Then, that would be enough, and she had settled for that idea. So much to the point that when he embraced her in the Vault from sheer relief, Alkaid had hugged him in return and attempted to burn the sensation into her memory. A small moment she would steal and remember on cold nights that she and K'thisru would travel through. She would remember his smile and the way he laughed at the dinner he invited the pair of them to, so she could think of it on the nights she felt her loneliest.
Of course, things had turned out the way they had, and now she shares a bed and room with the only man who has ever swept her heart away. She is certain no one else could the moment their eyes met, because he had her heart and loyalty even if he was unaware of it. ]
I love you, ever since the day I first saw you. [ Alkaid knows she has shared the sentiment before, but it flows out of her regardless. She pulls him closer, gently nudging her cheek further into his hair. ] When we came to Ishgard... despite all of the chaos and worry the others were in? All I could think was if I would get to see the Lord Commander of Ishgard more... maybe even daily if the Gods were good.
[ She feels a particular sense of vulnerability creep up on her then. One that has her curl around him and her tail tuck beside her legs. ] Ishgard was like nothing I had ever seen before. I truly felt like I was small and insignificant, regardless of what feats my sister and I had accomplished. I... even more so then, I was convinced there was very little I could do to catch the attention of the Lord Commander. At least, not as anyone other than the legendary almost mythical Warrior of Light.
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[ He knows that happiness is being with her and ensuring that his people are safe and cared for. So long as both things are met, he is indeed a happy man. ]
I suppose that it may not have been a proper one for me, but that hardly matters. To care for you and see you comfortable and at ease is of great importance to me. You are comfortable, are you not?
[ If she answers otherwise, he will do what he can to swiftly ensure that she is. She is his priority in this moment, and very little will dissuade him from that.
He cannot help but smile when she slides beneath the covers and then holds them up so that he might join her. He does so without hesitation, and he feels a wave of contentment wash over him when she guides him to lie down, his head resting against her chest. This feels so very right to him, and he cannot imagine waking up without her by his side. Perhaps that is why the bed feels so terribly empty when she is gone and why his arms ache for something- someone to hold onto.
Perhaps it is sad that he needs her as much as he does, but try as he might, the feelings will not be dislodged nor shaken off.
In those early days before they were truly well-acquainted, he found himself wondering about her in his spare time, wondering if she had someone whom she loved, and if not, would he ever be able to catch her eye? As one of the two vaunted Warriors of Light, he imagined that would not be likely. He may have been the Lord Commander then, but there were other men far loftier and more important than he, and so he tried not to let his thoughts wander too far in hopes of winning her heart and her attentions.
It seems as though time and fate had other ideas for them. Or perhaps it was the depth of their interest in the other that drew them to each other, or some combination of all of it. And now, here they are, sharing a bed in his room- their room, now. And what is more, she is his betrothed, his dearest, the one he loves more than anything in all of their star. ]
I believe that I too loved you from the moment we met, although I was certain you would not... could not feel the same way. [ Even as he says that, he knows that he did not identify his feelings as love, at least not at the first. Still, it did not take long for those feelings to turn from admiration and respect and a tentative interest in something more to become love. It was a gradual turning, and yet he believes it was inevitable. She is everything he dreamed about and hoped for, and now he can imagine no one else standing by his side.
And then he laughs quietly, because he can remember quite clearly how he found his thoughts drawn from his work and his responsibilities, wondering where within the city or surrounding areas her steps had taken her. If not for all the responsibility and work he had to perform as Lord Commander, and had he been a more frivolous and less duty-inclined man, he would have left his post for a moment in hopes of finding her.
But even the notion of such a thing goes against who he is and how he behaves, but he does have to admit that he was rather struck by her from their first meeting. If he had been capable of placing duty and responsibility aside, he would have done that very thing. ]
I do not believe that I have spoken of this to anyone, not even to Lucia, but whenever you and your sister graced the streets and halls of Ishgard and I could not be there because my own duties called me away to meetings and the like...
[ His gaze softens and he fixes his eyes upon her. ] Although I was as present as ever in those meetings, my thoughts did stray to you and your whereabouts as often as they could. I too wondered what I might do in order to catch the eye of the celebrated Warrior of Light.
[ His smile fades just slightly, but the love in his eyes does not. ]
I might have even convinced myself that I stood no chance, as surely her heart had already been given to another.
[ And while he also kept this to himself, speaking of it to no one, he believed that a mere commander of a host of knights was not worthy of the attention of Eorzea's champion, and thus he had no chance at all. The reminder of those private thoughts is enough to bring some measure of unsettled feelings back to life, but the only sign he gives is in how he nestles himself further against her as if hoping to draw comfort from her to counter those old feelings of loneliness and unworthiness. ]
I consider myself very fortunate and very blessed to have you with me, Lantaa.
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[ She pauses. ] But, we will only travel when and where you wish.
[ As he grows quiet as well, her hand moves from his hair to his neck, then to the space between his shoulders. The tips of her fingers gently move over the old healed scars from his own time in the war. So many hurts and wounds he had suffered before ever meeting her. There are times where she wonders if they have met too late, and t hat she is of no help to him at all. He would most certainly say otherwise, and thus, she has never once brought up the concerns.
She continues to brush along his scars even as he begins to speak.
Then, she shifts. She lays on her back and guides him to continue laying on her breast. ]
If only we had managed to find one another in the streets. [ Alkaid smiles at him, ears relaxing and tail gently swaying under the blankets. ] Then, who knows, we may have kissed even sooner...
[ Her gaze lowers slightly as a blush takes her face. ] I would hate to disappoint the Lord Speaker, but, none wished to have my heart. My capabilities as a healer and a primal slayer were in far more demand and coveted than being simply... me.
[ Alkaid's hand rests on the larger patch of scars in the middle of his back. She gently strokes them, attempting to keep her the blush on her face under control. There had been a time in which she reminded herself that if she could not be what an adventurer might wish, then, how could the then Lord Commander ever cast his gaze to her? What could she ever be outside of a Warrior of Light to anyone? Of course, she had shared these thoughts with him once before, so there is no real point in sharing them again. ]
I wonder who out of the pair of us is more blessed... or if we have equally benefited from it.
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[ Once her touch travels down from his hair to his neck and then to the middle of his shoulders, he stills beneath her touch. The scarred areas are healed and not particularly sensitive anymore (with the exception of the location of the stab wound), but his mind fills in the gaps for him, bringing to mind the memory of how he sustained those wounds, no matter how long ago it was. They are hardly unique, as so many Temple Knights were injured or worse during the long war, and like every knight who sustained injury, the scars tell a story and paint a picture.
But he finds that when he is with her, he does not wish to dwell upon his hurts, whether physical or of the mind. He wishes only to be present with her, to feel her love through her touches and hear it in her words and to give the same back to her. ]
If only we had met sooner... Then we would have had more time to simply love each other. I believe I could spend a lifetime telling you and showing you how much I love you and it would not be enough.
[ The urge to kiss her is strong, and he tilts his head upwards to look towards her. If not for the angle, he would be kissing her already.
In spite of himself, and in spite of his earlier thought that those old scars on his back do not trouble him any longer, there is no stopping the almost reflexive shiver that creeps up his spine. Her touch is gentle, unlike the dragon's talons that inflicted the wounds in the first place. But even now, he does not blame the foes that he fought in the war, given what he knows now about how the conflict began. Blame lies with both sides, but he personally believes that more of it lies with his people, or at least, their ancestors. Still, now is not the time for these thoughts, and so he puts them aside once again. ]
I suppose the truth of the matter is that we both have, and yet I feel as though I am blessed by being graced with your presence, Lantaa.
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[ She does not mean for her actions to bring forth painful memories. No doubt rests in her mind that various knights have more than a fair share of scars. She can recall seeing many who had lost eyes, limbs, digits. Many would say Aymeric had seen through the war relatively unharmed. However, she is aware that his burdens and his pains from the war rest within his heart and mind. She would argue they are equally as damaging.
Alkaid smiles at him, the red in her cheeks still visible. ]
Then, it is a good thing we will have more lifetimes together.
[ After all that she has learned, and intends to share with him in the morrow? She is certain their souls are destined to find one another time and time again. He is her one and only love, through all lives, and they will eventually find one another no matter how long it takes.
Her hand rests on his back as he shivers. He may not mind the touches, but it is clear his body reacts to the sensation, and she would not bring him any unease in this moment. He is in need of rest. Instead, her other hand raises to slip her first two fingers below his chin. His head is already tilted upwards, but the notion is done to invite him to do as he wishes. Kissing, touching, even sleeping. Whichever he feels the wish to do. ]
A blessing that you will have for the rest of our lives, my one and only.
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[ In that very instant, the swirling memories of a time when he was a soldier, not even the Lord Commander, fade away, replaced by the happiness he has felt because of having her in his life. Even if their plans for traveling never come to fruition, he knows they do not need to. Would he like to travel across their star with her? Of course. But if they never manage to do so, he will not be discontent by any means.
Just having her at his side is all he needs to be truly happy. And as for what demons still plague his heart and mind, they too become lessened when she is near. ]
I, for one, can only begin to wonder what those other lifetimes might be like. But I suppose we shall simply have to wait and see. [ If the small smile on his face is any indication, he is not wholly serious. Of course he knows what that would mean, for them to embark upon another journey and another lifetime, and he does not intend to wish away what time they have in this lifetime.
The moment that her hand rests upon his back and the other hand slides beneath his chin, he makes his decision: to push himself up just enough that he can press his lips against hers. The urge to sleep may be beginning to grow, threatening to pull him down, but he does not wish to give into it just yet. With the hand that is not being used to prop himself up, he circles it around her waist, eventually coming to a stop as his fingers brush lightly against her hip. ]
That we are both blessed by knowing each other, we have already concluded, but even so, I hope that I am every bit a blessing to you in return for what you have given me.
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We will see when the time comes. [ A quiet agreement of the things left unsaid.
While she knows they will find themselves again in their next life? This life is the one she wishes to live. A life in which they are aware of their ancient history, and truly able to fulfill a life that perhaps they had been unable to have before.
Alkaid's smile never fades, even as he presses his lips to hers. A content sound escapes her, despite her best efforts, and her ears twitch as well. The arm at his back moves around him to pull him closer. It may be impossible considering how close they are already, but, it has yet to stop them before. A nuzzle is given to his nose in return. ]
You are more than a blessing, Aymeric. You are my other half, and no amount of scars or damages from wars to either of us will change that. [ She shifts her weight so her hip might be fully in his hand. ] You've given me a home when I thought I'd have none... and, [ she blushes then, ] you want me as your wife, lady of your home... a-and to be my mate. It's more than I could ever dream of having.
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Nevertheless, I am truly grateful for you for remaining with me through all of it, and if I have not said so before, I am also so very grateful for the help you gave in bringing peace to our home. It may not be your homeland of birth, but so far as I am concerned, your deeds have made you a very honored citizen of Ishgard.
[ And having said that, he shifts so that he might press the tip of his nose against whatever part of her face he can reach without shifting from his present position. ]
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[ Her nose scrunches playfully at him and gives one more nudge before he moves to return the notion. Alkaid turns her head into his touch, letting her eyes fall closed for a brief moment. She wishes to keep speaking with him, sharing kisses and touches, even bringing them together again. However, they have time to be in such ways, and she reminds herself that he is in need of rest. Hopefully the warm meal, bath, and her presence in their bed will be enough to ease his mind, body and soul.
She tilts her head upwards to kiss him once more on the forehead. Then, she guides him down to rest once more on her breast. Both arms curl around him with one hand gently brushing his hair to lure him into sleep. ]
You will need to tell me all I have missed at breakfast. Then, I'll see you to your duties. [ She kisses the top of his head. ] And be here waiting for you to come home.
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Of course you are, and I would not hesitate to correct anyone who said that you were not.
[ He smiles yet again at the kiss she plants onto his forehead, and as she begins to guide him down, he simply follows her lead, allowing her to move him as she wills. He is as comfortable as he could hope for, and she is by his side. What more could he wish to have?
Perhaps it seems sudden, but no sooner does she have him resting against her and she begins to brush his hair than he feels his eyes begin to grow heavy. He avoided sleep for so long, and when he obtained it, it was hardly restful. It seems that he can no longer outrun it.
With his eyes sliding closed, he manages to put forth one last question: ] Will you be here when I awaken?
[ It might seem a foolish question, especially since she has said she will be there at breakfast, but a part of him needs the reassurance, and thus it slips out before he can call it back. ]
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[ She gently squeezes her arms around him at his question. Oh, Aymeric, her poor knight. The world has been so unkind to him. Others have suffered more--and he most certainly would be the first to point to that fact--but that matters little to her. He is one of the few people whose suffering she can directly aid. He has been left alone for perhaps not all of his life, but enough that it has festered deep down below his titles and mantles. ]
Of course, my love. [ Alkaid shifts enough so he might be able to pull her close and hold onto her. ] If I am not right in this room, then I am merely fetching breakfast for us... but I will be here.
[ Her hand continues to even out his hair and its strands, even once he has finally found sleep. While she usually follows suit, or even sleeps before him, her state of wakefulness lingers for a span of time. There is an excitement to share what she has learned that makes her feel almost as if she were a kitten once more with a grand surprise. Beyond that, her mind moves over steps and what actions she might take in the morning to make certain he is cared for and prove that she remains with him. Even furthermore, how will she phrase her letter of retirement?
All thoughts swirl in her mind before she too finally drifts into a light slumber in his arms. ]
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It isn't until some hours pass that he begins to stir, eyebrows drawing together into a frown in response to something disturbing his rest. He remains asleep, but chills that cause him to shiver even in Alkaid's hold begin to set in. And with them comes a rising temperature that only adds to his discomfort.
He still remains asleep until he no longer can, and his eyes open and he is greeted by the darkened room and Alkaid asleep beside him. The last thing he wishes is to wake her, and so he does his best to remain still even though alternating feelings of being too cold and too warm threaten his resolve.
In a way, he is surprised that some illness or another had not taken him earlier than this, given his erratic sleeping patterns. Now there is nothing for it but to wait for it to pass. ]
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A fever.
Alkaid hums lightly, still pulling her mind out of the last bit of sleep. Her eyes cast a glance to the fire that has turned to embers. The sun still has not risen, which means too much time cannot have passed. Perhaps they should invest in a clock for their room. ]
...you're burning up, my love. [ Her hand shifts just a bit higher on his forehead. ] Are you cold even under the blankets?
[ Perhaps it is a simple and obvious question. Yet, she wishes to gauge how he perceives he feels, as opposed to what he can sense. ]
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It takes what feels like a monumental effort, but he does what he can to still himself and keep from shaking. ]
I must apologize, I did not mean to wake you. [ Her question is a simple one, and the answer is, of course, yes, but he does not wish to trouble her further. ]
I am- Well, I will be all right, I assure you. [ In time, that is. ] Perhaps... [ He shudders involuntarily as the chill seems to seep over him in earnest. ] Perhaps it is best if we finish our rest apart so that you do not become ill yourself.
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