[ She nearly asks if he would run away with her; far away from all that troubles them. The truth of such a request would be that he is unable to, and such she does not choose to trouble his mind with it. Instead, her gaze drops to her fingers at his question as he begins to undo the laces on her gown.
Something she has never told him? There are so many things...
Her gaze settles on the engagement ring that only leaves her finger when she bathes or sees to caring for it. The look in her eyes softens before her eyes close once more. Perhaps that might be worth telling him. Something so that he may better understand her and why their promise of marriage matters so very much to her. Other than the notion that perhaps, in a life untouched by primals, they had been together. In a world before it was pulled apart at the seams and sundered. He might find that notion ridiculous; a wish that a young kitten had in hopes there was someone just for her. ]
Thisru and I left our clan younger than most Miqo'tes, I think. We parted ways after a carriage ride. She remained in Limsa to train as an arcanist, and then I made my way to Gridania. Both places are far from one another--as you know--and further from our clan. Given that... I spent quite a few Starlight Celebrations on my own. [ She gently twists the ring on her finger. ] Not that I was without anyone around me. There were the others of the Adventurer Guild, and then those of the Conjurer Guild. However, most of their families lived within the Shroud and would visit... or they would travel to their families.
I didn't want to go back to our clan. I feared the endless nagging of questions of when I would return home and stay home. I knew my mother would not relent until I did and took up my place and duty in the clan... waiting until another nuhn overthrew my father, or was called as a second leader. Then, he would father the next .... and I'm certain my mother would be thrilled to see it, but...
[ Alkaid curls the hand with the engagement ring to her breast and holds it there. Her tail sways slightly before her ears fold down entirely and her shoulders curl. She's told him, of course, how she had wanted her own mate. Now, however, it feels as if it is a secret that if uttered might turn him away. She shuts her eyes then and cradles her hands to her chin. ]
I didn't want my children to grow up like Thisru and I had. I didn't want them put between bickering parties for social standing or be told their siblings were not worth their time. [ She feels fresh tears roll down her face once more and curses herself inwardly for it. ] I thought that perhaps I might meet an adventurer that I could run away to a far part of the world and start a family with. But, I learned most adventurers don't have such goals or wishes in mind. They live for the thrill, not it simply being a way to achieve something else.
[ Her tail quickly flicks side to side before stilling. What else was there to be other than join the Scions when they offered? It was a way to do more, see more, help more people than she could if she were to remain in Gridania. She never thought it would lead to the things she had seen and done with her sister. ]
So... it became a habit that on Starlight Eve, I would make my way to the largest decorated tree that the Adventurer's Guild could find. Then--[ she curls up further, as if attempting to hide what she is about to say. ] I would look up to the stars... a-and wonder if someone else did the same, looking for me.
[ Alkaid pauses for a long moment and attempts to stifle the small sound attempting to make its way from her. ] I-I'm sorry, you probably want to hear something happier--you can pretend I said nothing and I'll think of something else...
no subject
Something she has never told him? There are so many things...
Her gaze settles on the engagement ring that only leaves her finger when she bathes or sees to caring for it. The look in her eyes softens before her eyes close once more. Perhaps that might be worth telling him. Something so that he may better understand her and why their promise of marriage matters so very much to her. Other than the notion that perhaps, in a life untouched by primals, they had been together. In a world before it was pulled apart at the seams and sundered. He might find that notion ridiculous; a wish that a young kitten had in hopes there was someone just for her. ]
Thisru and I left our clan younger than most Miqo'tes, I think. We parted ways after a carriage ride. She remained in Limsa to train as an arcanist, and then I made my way to Gridania. Both places are far from one another--as you know--and further from our clan. Given that... I spent quite a few Starlight Celebrations on my own. [ She gently twists the ring on her finger. ] Not that I was without anyone around me. There were the others of the Adventurer Guild, and then those of the Conjurer Guild. However, most of their families lived within the Shroud and would visit... or they would travel to their families.
I didn't want to go back to our clan. I feared the endless nagging of questions of when I would return home and stay home. I knew my mother would not relent until I did and took up my place and duty in the clan... waiting until another nuhn overthrew my father, or was called as a second leader. Then, he would father the next .... and I'm certain my mother would be thrilled to see it, but...
[ Alkaid curls the hand with the engagement ring to her breast and holds it there. Her tail sways slightly before her ears fold down entirely and her shoulders curl. She's told him, of course, how she had wanted her own mate. Now, however, it feels as if it is a secret that if uttered might turn him away. She shuts her eyes then and cradles her hands to her chin. ]
I didn't want my children to grow up like Thisru and I had. I didn't want them put between bickering parties for social standing or be told their siblings were not worth their time. [ She feels fresh tears roll down her face once more and curses herself inwardly for it. ] I thought that perhaps I might meet an adventurer that I could run away to a far part of the world and start a family with. But, I learned most adventurers don't have such goals or wishes in mind. They live for the thrill, not it simply being a way to achieve something else.
[ Her tail quickly flicks side to side before stilling. What else was there to be other than join the Scions when they offered? It was a way to do more, see more, help more people than she could if she were to remain in Gridania. She never thought it would lead to the things she had seen and done with her sister. ]
So... it became a habit that on Starlight Eve, I would make my way to the largest decorated tree that the Adventurer's Guild could find. Then--[ she curls up further, as if attempting to hide what she is about to say. ] I would look up to the stars... a-and wonder if someone else did the same, looking for me.
[ Alkaid pauses for a long moment and attempts to stifle the small sound attempting to make its way from her. ] I-I'm sorry, you probably want to hear something happier--you can pretend I said nothing and I'll think of something else...