ᴇsᴛɪɴɪᴇɴ ᴠᴀʀʟɪɴᴇᴀᴜ. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dragonssung) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
synthneon2022-02-11 05:36 pm
dragonssung) wrote in synthneon2022-02-11 05:36 pm
Entry tags:
echoes of truth | ❝ tales of loss and fire and flame. ❞
Every word on our hearts engraved
In the dark you will not stray
Forge ahead, till the end, we pray
no subject
His last statement causes the tremor in her hands to grow. Oh, if only she had not; if only K'thisru had not. Her gaze lowers to her lap as her arms shake along with her hands. She has never wanted to tell him. She knows he will blame himself for not being present--despite the fact there is no way he could have been on the First. She knows he will want to travel with her even more so to keep her safe--if only his duties allowed.
But... even so... what if all he could see was the monster Emet-Selch wished her and K'thisru to become?
The hand resting on his chest raises to the hair draping over her shoulder. She grabs it, roughly raking her fingers through it, grabbing at it, tugging at it. She had told him the change was permanent and it had not been entirely voluntary. What she had purposely avoided telling him was how it became the color it is. Since then, she has come to at least accept it, as all those around her seem to rather enjoy the color of it. ]
W-we had to absorb the light from the Lightwardens--K'thisru and I. When one died, the person who killed it would be flooded with the aether and turned into a Lightwarden themselves... b-but we have Her blessing; the Blessing of Light. We could contain it; share it between us. Then, I thought... I thought we would disperse it safely once the last of the Lightwardens were gone...
[ Her hand snatches away from his to curl against her chest. A reflex as if to keep him safe from the truth of it all. Alkaid curls in on herself, attempting to become smaller to avoid hurting him more. He has already been burdened by so much in his life. How might he react to know--what if he saw her as a monster? Could he even look at her the same way if she said it? Would he see her still as the woman he fell in love with and asked to marry him?
Then, she feels familiar touch at her back. One that somehow has the force to push her forward back towards Aymeric. Her forehead comes to rest at his chest despite how she shakes and desperately tries to keep herself together.
« Well, out with it, then. You've kept the poor man waiting. You stayed by his side this whole time. If he's the sort to abandon you once he's learned what happened? Then, he's not the right sort for the life you live. Still, you won't know what he thinks until you tell him. »
It seems someone is determined to keep their promise.
Alkaid's ears fold down to the sides of her head. She swallows the lump in he throat, but keeps her hands to her chest and tries to curl into a ball once more. ]
W-when we defeated the final Lightwarden... night came back to Khoulsia... but, we absorbed so much of it. So much light... it changed back... a-and we.. Thisru and I... we... because of the Blessing of Light we didn't.... but, for all purposes we were changed... a-and despite everything we did... light returned to the sky... Ryne contained it in us to help, a-and Ardbert helped too... but everything as buckling under it... We're fine now. Everything is where it should be and as it ought to be. But, e-even then, I...
[ Alkaid presses her hands to her face once more and sinks further. Her head held by her hands rests in his lap as she forces herself not to make the distressed sound that tries to surface. Tears find their way down her face once more and she begins to tremble. It had hurt so much. Physically, spiritually, emotionally. Seeing her sister in such pain, and worried over the Crystal Exarch. Knowing that when she looked at her hands she would see pure white when no one else would. ]
I'm not--we're not--sin eaters or Lightwardens. It's all been fixed and put back where it should be. W-when I came home... all I could think was--[ What if he can only see a monster? What if I am so broken and twisted by scars on the inside he doesn't see me anymore? ]--I'm not a monster, Aymeric. I'm not, I'm me. Lantaa--your Lantaa. Please, don't go... I-I promise, I'm...
[ She presses her hands to her mouth to try and muffle the cry that dose manage to come from her. Despite her best efforts? Another cry, followed by a sob follows as it is finally now out for him to know. Now he finally can understand why she acted the way she did upon her return home to Ishgard. ]
no subject
Everything he relies on seems useless in the face of what she has gone through. What good is a strong, resolved posture and even stronger and more determined words? Taking a stance and saying the right things will not help nor will it be enough.
And above all of this, he fears that she will see his inability to help in any lasting way and take it as yet another failure on his part. He fears that this could be the very thing that drives her from him, taking all the joy and hope he found again with her.
When her hand pulls away, moving to grab onto her hair, he watches still, wondering what this must mean. But her explanation comes soon enough, and all the tension in his spine that he has been trying to keep at bay crashes down on him in full force.
His mouth opens to say something, but he freezes in place the moment she pulls her hand away from his. Please do not shut me out. The thought springs unbidden to his mind, because he fears her closing herself off from him, either because she believes he is unable to help, or worse: because she believes he can but does not wish to saddle him with her burdens.
His hands clench into fists as a burning sensation forms in his eyes, but he wills the tears to stay where they are. It does not matter how weak he still feels inside; now is not the time for displays of tears. What good is he as her husband-to-be if she will not share her troubles and her burdens with him? In his mind, it seems clear that he has wronged her somehow if she believes that she cannot share all that she struggles with.
Somewhere deep inside him, the old pain, the old fear of being left behind with nothing but an empty home save for the faithful steward and maid who served his family for generations surfaces and will remain with him until their years run their course. He cannot go back to such a lonely existence, but he feels as though that is what will inevitably happen. Perhaps he should never have dared think that he could change his reality, that he could experience love and happiness again.
The longer the silence goes on between them, the more the shaking in his hands and shoulders grows, to the point that he can no longer conceal it. His head lowers and his eyes slide closed as the fear that she will tell him she has decided to sunder their relationship grows.
But then he feels her forehead coming to rest against his chest, and he forces his eyes to open again, light blue eyes locking onto her. Her eyes are hidden, of course, but he focuses his gaze on her, refusing to look away again.
Her words wash over him, sinking into his mind and his heart, and the pain inside him only grows. But this time, it is not pain caused by his own deeprooted fears, but pain and fear for her and for everything that she and her sister have gone through.
Feeling utterly helpless, he bows his head and the tears he tried to hold back leak from his eyes. He cannot save the Warriors of Light nor protect them from the great threats they face, and when it has been presented so plainly to him just how much they have suffered while doing their duty, he cannot ignore the fact that he is only a man with no abilities and no skills of consequence that could protect them.
The leaking tears turn into a flood that even he cannot stem, but he finally speaks through them, his voice choked by emotion and his words being little more than broken whispers. ]
Lantaa, I have nothing that I can give you, and even the protection that is yours by rights seems entirely inadequate in the face of everything that lies before you and that you have already experienced. I fear that I am a poor protector indeed, and an even poorer candidate for being your husband.
Nevertheless, I- [ His voice breaks and he has to force himself to continue pushing forward. ] I swear to you and to your sister as well that no matter what happens, I will not leave you. My life and what little protection I can give is yours, wholly and completely, and nothing shall separate me from you for as long as I remain here upon this star.
[ Nothing save perhaps her wish to be parted from him, because his words are lofty and built upon ideals and promises, not reality and facts. Having said his piece, his head lowers again and his eyes close, because he could not bear to see her reject him. Perhaps it is only a sign of his past hurts that he fears her rejection, because her words point to needing him just as much, but there is no silencing his fears. ]
no subject
Unlike her.
Her sobs quiet after a few moments, ears lifting as he says her name. Her breathing is ragged, hitching even with her attention fully on his words. For a moment she fears her heart has stopped. And an even poorer candidate for being your husbandI. The tremors in her hands move to her whole person as her mind runs with what he might say next. Does he mean to end their engagement? Has it all finally become too much to bear? Does he look down at her now and not see her as the person he fell in love with? She bites down on her lip hard to try and keep from crying once again.
Somehow his words cut through the fear and doubt in her mind. Her hands reach out and arms wrap around his waist without her fully realizing it. While she has no fear of rejection or abandonment as he does? Her own fears and insecurities amount to the same. While she may never share it, she feels as if finding him as brought a missing piece of herself back. Perhaps not in the sense of a shard and reflection, but something far deeper.
Slowly, she pulls herself to sit up. Alkaid takes another moment to raise her eyes to find his. Her face stained with tear marks and her eyes red from crying. Blood sits on her lip from where her bite has broken the skin on it. Blonde hair with pink edges still rests over her shoulder, but it is clear her pulling on it has caused it to sit in an unnatural way.
One hand raises to brush the tears on his face away. Her beloved knight. There has already been so many times in which she has almost lost him. Yet, he remains there, as firm as the Foundation that his home city is built upon. Her hand cups his cheeks. ]
I missed you, my love. [ She speaks in barely a whisper. It is not only due to her trip to the First, or his tempering, but something else. A feeling that comes from deep inside her soul that she cannot truly express--something ancient.
Her eyes search his for some understanding or knowledge of what she speaks of. Perhaps it is just her who feels this way. Perhaps she is projecting and he does not feel as if they belong together not in just this life but all lives. ]
I... I want to go home--with you. My knight.
no subject
In time, he is certain that the wounds he has taken from this will heal and his strength will return, but for now, his heart is raw and he finds it difficult to hold back his emotions.
More importantly, he hopes and prays with everything he has that her wounds will heal as well. But even if they do not, even if she remains wounded and hurting for some time yet, he knows that he will remain by her side through all of it. After all, she has done that for him more than once.
And it is because of that that he ignores the exhaustion creeping over him once more, because while he would do nothing but sleep, she needs him, and that is more important to him than anything in the world.
As her hands move to encircle his waist, he moves his hands to rest on top of hers, fingers lightly ghosting against the smooth skin of her hands.
He gently reaches for her when she sits up, a look of sadness coming to his eyes once more as he sees the spot where her teeth broke the skin on her lip. Perhaps they truly are of one mind and heart, because looking at her, he cannot help but feel hurt for her: hurt and regret that he cannot take all of her pain and place it upon himself.
He would do it without a second's thought, because he loves her so very much. His tears continue to fall until she gently wipes them away, and it is only when her hand cups his cheek that he attempts speaking once more. ]
And I have missed you, far more than I can put into words.
[ His head falls forward once more, but he catches himself at the very last second. It seems as though his ability to forestall his exhaustion is waning, but he does not wish to give in even now. ]
If I were able to, I would see our steps leading us home at this very moment.
[ He strongly desires to see what has become of Ishgard and her people, and he fears that there have not been any casualties or loss of life. And barring that, he prays that the numbers remain small, because any life lost is one too many. ]
I wish only to return to our home with you by my side.
[ Still, he knows that the opportunity for them to rest may very well not come again until the matter of Thordan and the towers has been dealt with. Because Ishgard is his home, and because these are his people, he knows that he must see this to its completion, if Halone sees fit to grant him the strength to do so. ]
We will return home one day soon. [ Even though there is much he cannot speak confidently about, this is one thing he is wholly certain of. Well, this, and the notion that their lives and their destinies are inextricably woven together and will continue to be that way.
He falls silent then, but his gaze remains locked on hers, his blue eyes meeting her mismatched pair. There is tiredness in his gaze, yes, but there is unbridled love there as well, if only she looks to see it. ]
/starts to wrap this up
She raises her other hand to hold his head the moment the wave of exhaustion hits him and his head dips forward. He clearly needs to rest more, instead of trying to carry her broken state at the moment. Alkaid slowly stands then with her mind made up. The cols hands still rest on each side of his face. She looks down at him with her eyes never leaving his. ]
We should retire for now. [ Her tone shows she has every intention of helping him back into bed. This time she will join him under the covers. She hesitates to kiss his forehead, an action that she never hesitates to inact. Her heart is so raw and battered that she is unsure if he would even wish her affections. She may not be a monster, even still seeing her as LantaaI, but the hurt and trauma make her pause. She does not wish to hurt him more by all she has inside her. ] When we return to Corethas? I... I will tell you more.
[ As she has much to tell him and more for him to understand. ] Then, we can return home. Together.
weh good thread ;;
For the moment, all he wishes to do is fall asleep beside her, and if she had not stood up, he would have moved to rest his head against her shoulder. But move she did, although he remains where he is, with her hands still resting on his face. ]
Yes, I think- I think that is for the best. [ His voice further gives away his exhaustion, not that he was trying to hide it not anymore. ]
And when we are rested, I would hear and listen to anything you wished to share with me. Home will be waiting for both of us.
[ And with that thought in mind, he pushes himself up to stand as well, hand reaching out to take hold of one of hers. It might not be a long walk to the bed, but he reaches for that contact regardless. ]