echoes of truth | ❝ tales of loss and fire and flame. ❞

[dragonssung]

song of hope

BOOK 3.5: EVER HEAVENSWARD

Tales of loss and fire and faith
Every word on our hearts engraved
In the dark you will not stray
Forge ahead, till the end, we prayCODE BY TESSISAMESS

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[thewayforpeace]

[ He really ought not to be moving so soon, but he has spent so long being incapable of moving or even speaking that he realizes he cannot spend another moment lying still, not when the woman he loves more than anything in the world is here and in need of comfort. He may need to rest again after this, but holding her and comforting her is far more important to him.

Once he is on the ground beside her, arms wrapped around her and her own arms doing the same to him, he presses his face against her shoulder, paying no heed to how far he must lean down to complete the action. ]

I love you. [ His hold tightens on her as the realization of just how much he loves her sweeps over him again. ] I love you.

[ It might not be all he wishes to say to her, but it is a start. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ Once his head rests on her shoulder, Alkaid shifts to hold him purely on instinct. Her head lays atop of his, nuzzling her nose into his hair. Her tail still hits the floor to vent the emotions she refuses to let out, but, she at least has stopped shaking as much. Hands curl into his borrowed night shirt. The blonde and pink hair comes over her other shoulder with none of her customary braids in sight.

After a few moments, her hand starts to rub his back. She instantly falls into the one comforting by simple nature of who she is. A gentle kiss is planted to his ear in response to his declaration. Of course, she knows, but hearing the words again with no fear of him being torn away... it fills her heart with so many emotions she hardly knows where to start.

Alkaid closes her eyes before kissing the side of his head. Then, she speaks gently, so that only he might hear: ] Hello, my knight.

[thewayforpeace]

[ As always, her hold soothes him and the growing fear inside him that he has yet to give voice to. He holds that back for the moment, because as is customary with him, he finds himself being far more concerned with her needs than anything that might be causing him trouble. But still, he allows her to hold him, once again drinking in the comfort she gives him. The way she nuzzles her nose into his hair is something he has grown to like very much, and it relieves him to know that she is still responding in the same way that she always has.

A part of his mind chastises him for accepting her comfort when he should be the one reassuring her, but then again, they can both help each other. He practically melts beneath her as she begins rubbing his back, an action that eases some of the tension in his spine and shoulders as well.

He feared that they would never speak again, not like this, and what's more, he feared that the primal would sever their connection and their bond forever until one or both of them ended up in the aetherial sea.

Again, his emotions rise and his frame shakes even in her hold as he tries to settle them and wills his fears and worries to lessen. ]

I have missed you, Lantaa. [ His voice thickens with emotion as he adds: ] I feared that my last words to you would be unkind and hurtful, and that is not how I would have you remember me.

[shepherdtostars]

[ King Thordan would need to remove her from this star, and even then, that would not change how she feels towards him. It would not change how she acts towards him. He is her mate, and beyond that, she feels as if their souls might always be bound together. Perhaps it was something from another life, or perhaps they have simply become so tied together in this life. Either way, she cannot fathom nor see a life without him in it.

He is her knight, after all, in more ways than one. He protects and shields her when he can. Even more so, he guards and shields her heart. While it is not a sentiment he may agree with her in the moment? She would still trust him to protect it.

Her arms pull him closer. ]

They were not your words. Of course I would not remember you by them. [ She then cradles him to her frame, gently rocking him backwards and forwards by only a fraction. ] I... I feared you would not see me as yours if they had to take you from me. That, if you had to leave me, and return to the aetheric sea... t-that you would look at me, but not see Lantaa. Only the Warrior of Light.

[ Her face presses into his hair again as her eyes shut. Her tail continues to tap onto the floor as she forces her emotions to calm. ]

...that in the end, that would be all I was to be to you. The Warrior of Light, slayer of primals...

[thewayforpeace]

[ If he ever doubted that they belonged together and that their souls are tied inextricably together, he no longer has any doubts. In all likelihood, he never had doubts to begin with, because with her, he has found everything he could have ever wanted or hoped for, and now he can scarcely imagine a life without her.

If they should ever be separated, he knows without a doubt that his soul will try to find hers, through as many lifetimes as it might take. And although they might appear differently from how they are now, he will know it when it's her.

The gravity of what she is saying is not lost on him, and as it sinks in, his shaking only continues. A part of him reprimands himself for his lack of control, but for the moment, the calm and collected Lord Speaker has gone, replaced by a man who is barely able to rein in his emotions. ]

There was a moment when it seemed as though that was our only recourse. [ Looking back on it now, he knows that he had begun to lose hope that he could be saved. He would rather die as himself than spend the rest of his days enslaved by a primal. But it seems as though Alkaid's faith and Alisaie's determination were greater than he could have imagined. He still resolves to properly thank Alisaie at his earliest opportunity. ]

But a part of me knew that it was you: not only the Warrior of Light, but Lantaa, the one whom I love most. I might not have been able to put it into words, but I knew that it was you.

[ The primal tried to take that from him, and he almost succeeded, but he still managed to hold onto at least a little of that recollection.

But as much as he would like to, and even though he still has a great deal of recovering left to do, he asks: ] What are we going to do now? What is... Do you know the state of affairs in Ishgard?

[ He imagines she will say they must remain here for some time longer, but he cannot hold back the question either. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ She had idle musings on the First if their souls had ever found one another before now. There had been seven Rejoinings... had they ever met in those seven reflections? Or, is it, they had not, and that is why they remain so stubborn in staying together now? Had they found one another before the Calamities on the Source, only to be torn apart, needing to find one another again and again? They are thoughts she has never shared with anyone--not even her sister. Although, she had a feeling that Ardbert had caught on at some point, given how he sulked about the room given to the sisters.

Alkaid continues to gently rock him, her grip only tightening once he speaks of how perhaps their only option had been to slay him. The idea alone still causes her hands to tremor and a sharp pain in her heart. While she never wishes to walk this star without her sister or Aymeric? The future is uncertain and it may very well happen... which only causes her raw heart to ache more. ]

You spoke to me the few times you could manage it... and told me you were still there in little ways. [ Maybe ways that only she and Estinien might pick up on.

Regardless, she tries to pull him ever closer as she sways back and forth for him. His question makes her frown. She should have thought to ask Estinien of such things. After all, Aymeric's greatest love is his city and people, as she sees it in her mind. How had she not thought to keep informed of the situation, knowing he might ask when he returned to himself? Her gaze drops to the floor as a fresh wave of failure strikes at her. ]

I'm unaware of where she stands, other than the fact that she still does. [ Her ears flatten and her tail curls up around her leg. ] If you'd like, I can summon Estinien, and we can see what he and the others have learned.

[ Alkaid frowns slightly as her shoulders curl. Part of her wishes to curl up on herself as yet another way she has let him down piles in her mind. ]

I'm certain the Admiral will wish to speak to you and learn how this had happened to start with. Until then, a few more days of rest and food should get you back on your feet. Once you have recovered enough to walk? We will make our way to Ishgard.

[thewayforpeace]

[ Perhaps he is far too romantic in his thinking, an idea that Estinien has taken him to task for previously, but Aymeric has always believed in the notion that there was one person out there intended for him. Now whether or not their paths would cross, he could not have said, but then he met Alkaid, and now he cannot imagine a life without her. As far as he is concerned, they were meant to find each other, and they will keep finding each other again.

He leans further into her hold, an impressive task given how close they already are, but he only wants to be with her, to be held by her and try to give her as much comfort in return as he can. In his mind, he only causes her hurt and regret, not happiness, and that is not what he wants for her.

Perhaps he should be less selfish and think less of Ishgard and more of her. At the suggestion that she summon Estinien and ask him for information about Ishgard, Aymeric only shakes his head. If he is to be less selfish, then he must place focus on her where it belongs. ]

If you say Ishgard still stands, that is enough. [ He tries to inject as much confidence into his words as possible, and after all, it is not a lie. ] She has stood firmly this long; I imagine that is not about to change. [ Never mind that he fears for the safety of those he considers friends and allies. ]

I am not sure what I will say to her when she comes seeking an audience. [ His memories of what transpired are unclear and he can scarcely recall how it was he became tempered in the first place. ] I would think she will not find me a very useful source of information.

[ His eyes slide closed again for just a moment, opening once more a few seconds later. ] If you have nowhere else to be, I would ask for your indulgence again, and request that you lie beside me.

[ But it is only a request, and he is quick to add that: ] Only if you wish to, of course.

[ He feels exhaustion beginning to take hold again, and he imagines she must need more rest as well. It is difficult for him to imagine that a few days of resting is all it will take for his recovery, but she is a healer and would certainly know of what she speaks. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ She continues to rock him back and forth, hand once again beginning to rub his shoulders. The tension there is obvious and she wonders what troubles his mind. Surely, it must be Ishgard, and the state of his people. Her ears press further to the side of her head as she kisses the top of his own. Now is not the time to be selfish even if she wishes to be. He has need to know what has befallen their home and the people that make Ishgard what she is. ]

I'm certain Ishgard will remain. We will need to get you back on your feet as soon as possible in order to make the trip to Corethas. [ Her nose presses to his head as a shaking sigh leaves her. A brief moment passes before her gaze slips towards the bed. ] Any information is likely to be of use at the moment. Still, we can focus on that in the morning.

[ Or not at all... as she would wish nothing more than to beside him for a time.

His request is met with her hands curling into his shirt once more. Why would he think he would need to ask her for her company? They are to be wed. He is her mate--the one her heart and soil cry out to for protection. He woild never need to ask for her company. ]

Where else would I have need to be than by the side of my betrothed? My lord, my knight. [ And, she would rather not be parted from him ever again. She does not even wish to move from where they are, as that would mean they would need to separate. Her fingers gently weave in and out of the locks of hair. Even after all that has happened since the first time they've met? His hair remains ever so soft. ]

We ought to get you back to bed. Unless, there is something you wish to have before then?

[thewayforpeace]

[ It is most certainly a foolish thought, but as she holds him and rocks him, he cannot help but be reminded of being held by his mother. The memory of it has faded a bit, but he can still recall the feeling of having her arms around him and holding him too when he needed her comfort.

And speaking of comfort, he is resolved to not wait any longer, because he has long suspected that not all is well with her, and it seems to him that she will not be speaking of it willingly. He might still have a long way to go for his own recovery, but that will not stop him.

He waits until she has finished speaking, but he cannot hold back the sigh of contentment as she threads her fingers through his hair. He has always appreciated her touches and how she pays attention to certain spots, such as his neck and shoulders where tension is wont to form. ]

Yes, there is something that I wish to do first. I require nothing else, as you have already given me everything I could have asked for before I even thought to do so.

[ With one hand, he reaches for hers so that he might hold onto it while he speaks. With the other, he reaches for her hair that has fallen down around her shoulders, and he lightly takes hold of it, winding his fingers carefully through it, being mindful not to tug or pull on it. It too is soft, and he finds he likes the feel of it. ]

Lantaa, I have often wondered... do you hold back or otherwise disregard your own personal worries and fears for the benefit of others? [ He does not wait for an answer, knowing that he might seem as though he is being too brusque, but he needs to state his observations. ] I feel as though you do, and I also feel that it is to the detriment of your well-being.

[ He runs his fingers over the strands of hair beneath them again, and his other hand moves to cup her cheek gently. His own tiredness is still washing over him, but this is far too important for him to put off for another time. ]

With how often I have leaned upon you for support, I think it is only fitting that you allow me to do the same for you.

[ And having said that, he momentarily abandons brushing his fingers against her hair so that he might place his other hand on her other cheek, and he leans forward to place a light but still caring kiss on her lips. ]

I wish only to provide you with all the comfort and care that you have given me.

[shepherdtostars]

[ The sigh that leaves him makes a ghost of a smile form on her lips. She continues to ease his hair down and ghost her fingertips over his strained muscles. Her movements only stop once he begins to speak of something he would like to do. A tilt of her head is given once he pulls back to look at her. Her fingers slip between his, giving a gentle squeeze.

A sway takes to her tail once more as he begins to speak. Her eyelids flutter shut at the feeling of his fingers in her hair. Then, his question makes her pause. Her tail stills and eyes open once more to meet his. They widen slightly as he continues on. The expression on her face falls, and it is quite obvious that his deductions are accurate.

Alkaid remains still until his other hand takes her other cheek. Her hands pull back to begin twisting one another. A shake overcomes her. She has never been truly good at expressing her emotions into words she feels are accurate. Despite that, she gently nudges her nose to his cheek. ]

... I'm a Warrior of Light... [ Her voice is barely above a whisper and her gaze falls from his. She sinks into his touch, but does not move much more than that. ] ...I must be alright, for everyone... because they depend on me and Thisru... I-I have to be....

[thewayforpeace]

[ And once again, he considers himself incredibly fortunate and blessed to have someone as kind and good as her with him. Although he knows she would disagree, he believes that what he has found is more than he could ever deserve or hope to earn.

And although he wants nothing more than to continue relishing her comfort, he has thought of himself long enough, and so his thoughts must turn to her and what she needs. When he sees her face fall, the pang in his heart is unmistakable, because he knows that what he surmised was correct. ]

Yes, you are, but that does not mean that you must put all your time and energy into caring for others and leaving nothing for yourself. [ He huffs out a quiet laugh. ] That is a lesson that I have had to learn, and you have helped me learn it.

[ His hands move from her face to take hold of her hands as well, and he gives them a gentle squeeze. ]

If you will allow me, Lantaa, I would help shoulder your burdens and carry them alongside you.

[ He leans in again so that he might brush a gentle kiss to the side of her face. ]

You do not have to carry them alone.

[shepherdtostars]

[ The ears pressed to her head lift only slightly at his laugh. She feels he never truly smiles enough or has the chance to. Her hands curl underneath his own and for a brief moment, she nearly leans forward to his chest. What he says does not go unnoticed, but, it is clear by her eyes that she struggles with putting away the mantle. There was a time she did it easily. That was before she felt she was broken; before her time on the First.

The gentle kiss, however, is what breaks down the flimsy mantle.

Tears gather in her eyes. She feels as if much of who she had been before their time on the First had been damaged, leaving a broken version of herself who desperately clings to the safety her sister and her betrothed give her. She might have said that was the reason why she feared losing Aymeric to the primal's influence... except for the fact it would be a lie. She feared losing him because she loves him far too much. A part of her would return to the aetheric sea with him, and she does not know what would truly remain of her then. ]

I...

[ Her head lowers and she leans forward, but never quite makes it to resting against him. Instead, it seems more as if she crumbles on the spot. She raises her hands to hide her face as tears begin to fall from her eyes and down her face. ]

[thewayforpeace]

[ It certainly is true that he does not smile or laugh often. There has not been very much for him to laugh at of late. Before all of this began, he had already thought to himself that she was his reason for smiling, because she brought joy to his life that had long been absent. And part of him still cannot believe how everything turned out, that the war that dragged on for so long is finally over.

Of course, these thoughts have retreated to the back of his mind following his tempering and being cured, but one thing remains clear: she brings him more happiness than he ever thought he could have or find. And even though he still has much to contend with, all he wants to do is help her the way she has him.

His heart sinks when he sees her mantle break before his eyes. And when she begins to cry, hiding her face in her hands, he is quick to wrap his arms around her, pulling her closer and pressing her frame against his. One hand moves to the back of her head where it begins lightly stroking her hair. ]

I am right here, and I will not be leaving you for anything on this star. [ He realizes now that so much has happened that could have separated them: the knife wound he took in the streets, any number of events during the war, and now his being tempered... But they have weathered all of it somehow, and they are still together. He does not intend to lose her now, not even to the tangles of her own mind and heart. ]

Whatever you need from me, I shall give it, even if it is only holding you when you feel as though you cannot go on.

[ He would give her what strength he has, because he cannot imagine a life without her in it. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ He pulls her to him and she does not argue. She lowers her head in his shoulder, arms around his frame, bunching into the fabric of his nightshirt. Of course, she had answered any question he might have of why her dreams woke her in the middle of the night, but she had framed them in factoids and almost a way that Alphinaud would list his reports. She had not wanted to admit to him how deeply the horrors of the First had affected her. There was so much good, so much hope that had been found by the end of it. Why then, even with hope, smiles, and the night sky returned, was she still plagued by nightmares of things that had not only happened but would not come to pass?

Something about losing him has always struck a deep cord in her--even before he was "hers" to lose. While his time in the Vault had certainly scared her? She has realized that the attempted murder was when she realized how much she wished him to remain on their star. It hardly mattered if she was to only be a friend and ally. She could not conceive of a world without Ser Aymeric in it. Then, one thing led to another, and now she will stand beside him as his wife and mate. The sentiment has not changed: she does not wish to lose him in any sense of the word.

Alkaid presses her face into his shoulder with her hands clutching onto him. Tremors take her whole body as all she had tried so hard to contain finds a way to surface. She moves to speak, but all that leaves her is a small cry. She wishes she might bear her heart out to him in the words he is so adept at using. That way he might truly understand all within her heart: how deep her love for him is, how horrified she is of losing him. Instead, she finds herself hoping Aymeric might come to understand them by her actions and sounds alone. ]

...Aymeric...

[ His name is said more like a plea, crying out to him. There is so much she might say, or might explain, and she does not know where to begin.

Another sob escapes her at his words. Why does it cause what feels like her very soul to cry out? Had they truly met in another life and sworn to find one another again? Had they been unable to find each other before? Perhaps it is none of those things and she desperately wishes for a romantic notion of having only one soul for her own. Some extension of her desire to not share a mate with the rest of her clan. Logic would say such a thing. Yet, deep down, her soul trembles with such emotion she cannot help but wonder the opposite of it all. ]

...I... it...

[thewayforpeace]

[ He has no real frame of reference for how he should act in this moment. Holding her, petting her hair and her ears, and just being there with her seems all well and good, but is that really what she needs?

He has questions for her, but a part of him wonders if asking them when she is so obviously fragile would only make things worse. Oh, of course she told him what happened during her time on the First, and he knew immediately that she had no small amount of lingering effects from being there and from everything she had seen.

Still, he knew he was at a loss for how he could really help. All he knows right now is that she needs help, but he is unsure how to give it. ]

Lantaa, I am right here, and I will always be right here, to the best of my ability.

[ Except at the moment, it seems that his best efforts are not enough, but he knows he still has to try. ]

Would it be of help if you were to talk about anything you wished to while I listened?

[ It seems that talking might help, but if she refuses, then he will have to simply think of another approach to take. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ If only she knew what might cure all she struggles with. Then, she could share with him, and help the both of them. Instead she finds herself crying, despite the fact she does not wish to subject the man she loves to the horrors she has witnessed. Not when he has gone through his own struggles and continues to...

Her tears do come to a stop eventually as he brushes her hair and along her ears. The motion is soothing and calms her to some degree. Her breathing is still uneven and her shoulders shaking even though she feels that sense of comfort wash over her. Alkaid tilts her head to hide her face between his neck and shoulder. The hands at his back relax. A sensation of exhaustion hits her now that the emotional outburst has passed.

She gently nuzzles his neck at his words. Would be really stay once he sees how broken she feels...?

Her voice is soft, almost a whisper as she closes the remaining gap between them to curl against him. ] ...what is it you wish to know...?

[thewayforpeace]

[ Knowing how she stayed by his side, patiently waiting and helping him through the worst of the long fight of being tempered, he is resolved to be every bit as patient with her now. If she continues to cry, he means to hold her and reassure her for as long as it takes.

But as her tears come to a halt and she seems to calm down a little, his thoughts turn to what he might do or say to help her through this. His hands remain where they are, holding her and doing what he can to comfort her, but his head tilts to one side as he ponders his actions. ]

You have told me what transpired while you were away from us. I can scarcely imagine the things you have seen and what you have gone through, but- It is more that I wish for you to know that you do not have to be anything but who you are. And perhaps even more importantly, you do not need to work so hard to maintain the appearance of being all right, when you know that all is not well with yourself.

[ He knows that he is still learning these lessons himself, but it seems to him that she needs the reminder as well. ]

You will not be disappointing me or anyone else if you need time to recover and to be a person... A person who has gone through nothing short of hell in order to save not just one world but two. I think that none would begrudge you feelings of weakness after everything that you have done.

[ He moves his hands to take hold of hers, and he gives them a firm squeeze. ]

Lantaa, if you are feeling broken and as though you cannot find the strength to go on... Rest. Rest, and know that I will be with you every step of the way.

[ Perhaps it is strange, because he does not feel very strong himself, but being strong for her makes him feel more resolved and even stronger himself.

And having said all that, he leans in so that he can press a kiss to the side of her head. He does not know if his words will help, or if there is more that he ought to say, but he is simply following his heart in this moment. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ She told him the bare minimum, especially after the nightmares that would cause her to wake in the middle of the night. There was no way to not cause him to worry more than he ought to. Even so, she wished to lessen his worry as much as she could. So much already rests on his shoulders that she does not wish her burdens to weigh him down. He clearly disagrees with the notion, and she knows that once Aymeric has set his mind to an idea? Very little can change it.

Her hands squeeze his in return to show she is listening to every word he has spoken. The kiss to the side of her head causes tears to gather once more. Gods, she wishes he could truly travel with her. That she may roll over in a tent or an inn only to find him there beside her. But, he is still needed in Ishgad--now more than ever. The fact does not stop the longing she feels deep inside her soul; to have him there to protect her as he so desires to.

Her fingers move along his as her eyes close once more. ]

They turned. [ Perhaps he will stop her from speaking at some point. Perhaps he does not truly wish to know what transpired on the First to scar her so deeply. ] Just as one who is tempered malforms if exposed to enough of the aether a primal gives... they turned into what they called sin eaters...

[ In her mind all she can see is Tesleen, the countless people in Lakeland, the people of Eulmore. The ones they were too late to save. ]

... so much light poured into them at once... y-you could...we saw their bodies twist and contort into shapes and lengths that it is not meant to have. Wings sprout from malformed parts. They were so pale... pure white ... void of anything that made them who they once were...

[ She bites her lip as her hands clutch onto his. A moment of silence passes before she raises a single tremoring hand. It rests on his chest and over his heart. ]

The more powerful ones could leave a small essence of primordial light inside you. You would turn slowly... your skin, your eyes... losing everything of who you are ... memories, sense of self, any awareness of who you were... A-Alisaie helped a small settlement dedicated to trying to help them... but they couldn't save them... i-instead they would give them a poisoned last meal when it was time... to keep them from turning...

[ Alkaid begins to shake once more. Her shoulders curl again as she tries to keep herself together. ]

Her friend was turned... s-she saved a young boy who almost turned too... Tesleen tuned in front of us... Thisru, Alisaie and I... w-we had to put her down before she turned others...

[ She shallows the lump forming in her throat. ] Light is stasis. Peace. There was so much stagnant aether around us. I-I could sense it no matter where we were. Y'shtola saw it, and felt it, but... but...

[thewayforpeace]

[ A part of him is already beginning to ponder a future in which he has given the reins over to another and left Ishgard so that he might travel alongside the woman he intends to marry. Would it be an adjustment? Of course. Will he miss his home greatly? Absolutely. But it will be worth all of the adjusting and feelings of being homesick if he can wake up every morning beside her and go to sleep next to her as well.

It is clear to him that they should not be parted, not for as long as they have been, and he thinks that not only for himself but now because it is apparent to him that she needs his support more than ever.

She has just begun explaining what she has seen, but the tone of her voice is enough to cause tension to form in his shoulders, and although doing so only causes a dull ache to form in his head, he does not have to have been there to be able to know how horrifying it must have been to see people turn in the way she's describing.

As she goes on, he has to will himself to remain still, to keep his shoulders... his entire frame from shaking. He might have been more contained had his defenses not taken so many hits over the last handful of days and weeks, but in the aftermath of everything, what she says shakes him more than he expected it would.

He does not wish for her to see that this has rattled him, and so he holds himself as still as he can, eyes still fixed upon hers. ]

I am so very sorry that you and your companions had to witness such things, but more than that, not to put it mildly, I am beyond troubled that people who have done little to deserve such a fate have had such things happen to them. And though I do not know all of their names, I would remember them alongside those whom we have lost.

[ Because in his mind, it does not matter if a person who has fallen is of Ishgard or Doma or any of the far-flung places that Alkaid has seen. A life is a life, and any loss of life is something that should not be pushed aside and forgotten.

In spite of his determination to appear impassive and unbothered, his shoulders drop as the weight of what she has told him sinks in. But he will not have her blame herself. He has not, nor will he, ask to be shielded from the harsh realities of the world. ]

I trust that you and the other Scions were able to find some resolution to the root cause of this problem. And more importantly, I imagine you would have told me as much if one of your number fell to these threats. [ Any loss at all is devastating. If one of the Scions fell, she surely would have told him. ] I know what you have told me about your physical wellbeing, and that of your sisters, but I trust that you did not experience any effects from your exposure to the light.

[ Because while it is her emotional state that troubles him, one cannot see to their emotional needs and ignore the physical, or the opposite. That is a lesson that he has had to learn of late. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ She could tell him of the plan the Ascians truly had in greater detail. Why they wished to flood the First with light, and how that would be done on the Source to accept the oncoming amount of aether and souls. There is so much to tell him--to explain--but she finds herself falling short of being able to muster the words. Perhaps once they have slept, and once Ishgard has been free of the primal's control. Maybe then she can find the right words in the proper frame of mind to tell him all she and K'thisru had learned.

His last statement causes the tremor in her hands to grow. Oh, if only she had not; if only K'thisru had not. Her gaze lowers to her lap as her arms shake along with her hands. She has never wanted to tell him. She knows he will blame himself for not being present--despite the fact there is no way he could have been on the First. She knows he will want to travel with her even more so to keep her safe--if only his duties allowed.

But... even so... what if all he could see was the monster Emet-Selch wished her and K'thisru to become?

The hand resting on his chest raises to the hair draping over her shoulder. She grabs it, roughly raking her fingers through it, grabbing at it, tugging at it. She had told him the change was permanent and it had not been entirely voluntary. What she had purposely avoided telling him was how it became the color it is. Since then, she has come to at least accept it, as all those around her seem to rather enjoy the color of it. ]

W-we had to absorb the light from the Lightwardens--K'thisru and I. When one died, the person who killed it would be flooded with the aether and turned into a Lightwarden themselves... b-but we have Her blessing; the Blessing of Light. We could contain it; share it between us. Then, I thought... I thought we would disperse it safely once the last of the Lightwardens were gone...

[ Her hand snatches away from his to curl against her chest. A reflex as if to keep him safe from the truth of it all. Alkaid curls in on herself, attempting to become smaller to avoid hurting him more. He has already been burdened by so much in his life. How might he react to know--what if he saw her as a monster? Could he even look at her the same way if she said it? Would he see her still as the woman he fell in love with and asked to marry him?

Then, she feels familiar touch at her back. One that somehow has the force to push her forward back towards Aymeric. Her forehead comes to rest at his chest despite how she shakes and desperately tries to keep herself together.

« Well, out with it, then. You've kept the poor man waiting. You stayed by his side this whole time. If he's the sort to abandon you once he's learned what happened? Then, he's not the right sort for the life you live. Still, you won't know what he thinks until you tell him. »

It seems someone is determined to keep their promise.

Alkaid's ears fold down to the sides of her head. She swallows the lump in he throat, but keeps her hands to her chest and tries to curl into a ball once more. ]

W-when we defeated the final Lightwarden... night came back to Khoulsia... but, we absorbed so much of it. So much light... it changed back... a-and we.. Thisru and I... we... because of the Blessing of Light we didn't.... but, for all purposes we were changed... a-and despite everything we did... light returned to the sky... Ryne contained it in us to help, a-and Ardbert helped too... but everything as buckling under it... We're fine now. Everything is where it should be and as it ought to be. But, e-even then, I...

[ Alkaid presses her hands to her face once more and sinks further. Her head held by her hands rests in his lap as she forces herself not to make the distressed sound that tries to surface. Tears find their way down her face once more and she begins to tremble. It had hurt so much. Physically, spiritually, emotionally. Seeing her sister in such pain, and worried over the Crystal Exarch. Knowing that when she looked at her hands she would see pure white when no one else would. ]

I'm not--we're not--sin eaters or Lightwardens. It's all been fixed and put back where it should be. W-when I came home... all I could think was--[ What if he can only see a monster? What if I am so broken and twisted by scars on the inside he doesn't see me anymore? ]--I'm not a monster, Aymeric. I'm not, I'm me. Lantaa--your Lantaa. Please, don't go... I-I promise, I'm...

[ She presses her hands to her mouth to try and muffle the cry that dose manage to come from her. Despite her best efforts? Another cry, followed by a sob follows as it is finally now out for him to know. Now he finally can understand why she acted the way she did upon her return home to Ishgard. ]

[thewayforpeace]

[ He watches her nervously, sensing that thoughts are turning themselves over in her mind and willing himself to remain still as he waits. The only outward signs of his nervousness are the small tremors in his hands and shoulders, because he is beginning to fear that there is nothing he can do to help her.

Everything he relies on seems useless in the face of what she has gone through. What good is a strong, resolved posture and even stronger and more determined words? Taking a stance and saying the right things will not help nor will it be enough.

And above all of this, he fears that she will see his inability to help in any lasting way and take it as yet another failure on his part. He fears that this could be the very thing that drives her from him, taking all the joy and hope he found again with her.

When her hand pulls away, moving to grab onto her hair, he watches still, wondering what this must mean. But her explanation comes soon enough, and all the tension in his spine that he has been trying to keep at bay crashes down on him in full force.

His mouth opens to say something, but he freezes in place the moment she pulls her hand away from his. Please do not shut me out. The thought springs unbidden to his mind, because he fears her closing herself off from him, either because she believes he is unable to help, or worse: because she believes he can but does not wish to saddle him with her burdens.

His hands clench into fists as a burning sensation forms in his eyes, but he wills the tears to stay where they are. It does not matter how weak he still feels inside; now is not the time for displays of tears. What good is he as her husband-to-be if she will not share her troubles and her burdens with him? In his mind, it seems clear that he has wronged her somehow if she believes that she cannot share all that she struggles with.

Somewhere deep inside him, the old pain, the old fear of being left behind with nothing but an empty home save for the faithful steward and maid who served his family for generations surfaces and will remain with him until their years run their course. He cannot go back to such a lonely existence, but he feels as though that is what will inevitably happen. Perhaps he should never have dared think that he could change his reality, that he could experience love and happiness again.

The longer the silence goes on between them, the more the shaking in his hands and shoulders grows, to the point that he can no longer conceal it. His head lowers and his eyes slide closed as the fear that she will tell him she has decided to sunder their relationship grows.

But then he feels her forehead coming to rest against his chest, and he forces his eyes to open again, light blue eyes locking onto her. Her eyes are hidden, of course, but he focuses his gaze on her, refusing to look away again.

Her words wash over him, sinking into his mind and his heart, and the pain inside him only grows. But this time, it is not pain caused by his own deeprooted fears, but pain and fear for her and for everything that she and her sister have gone through.

Feeling utterly helpless, he bows his head and the tears he tried to hold back leak from his eyes. He cannot save the Warriors of Light nor protect them from the great threats they face, and when it has been presented so plainly to him just how much they have suffered while doing their duty, he cannot ignore the fact that he is only a man with no abilities and no skills of consequence that could protect them.

The leaking tears turn into a flood that even he cannot stem, but he finally speaks through them, his voice choked by emotion and his words being little more than broken whispers. ]

Lantaa, I have nothing that I can give you, and even the protection that is yours by rights seems entirely inadequate in the face of everything that lies before you and that you have already experienced. I fear that I am a poor protector indeed, and an even poorer candidate for being your husband.

Nevertheless, I- [ His voice breaks and he has to force himself to continue pushing forward. ] I swear to you and to your sister as well that no matter what happens, I will not leave you. My life and what little protection I can give is yours, wholly and completely, and nothing shall separate me from you for as long as I remain here upon this star.

[ Nothing save perhaps her wish to be parted from him, because his words are lofty and built upon ideals and promises, not reality and facts. Having said his piece, his head lowers again and his eyes close, because he could not bear to see her reject him. Perhaps it is only a sign of his past hurts that he fears her rejection, because her words point to needing him just as much, but there is no silencing his fears. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ She so very depends on those determined words and strong posture. He is a leader, even if he cannot see it at the moment. His words strike inspiration and hope, but also a path to a better future. While she and K'thisru may be the ones to carve the path? Aymeric is one who lays the ground work of example as he walks. She knows he is unable to see it in this moment, but his steadfastness has always helped ground her while she has been far away. He is so very like Ishgard. Any storm may shake him, but he can weather it.

Unlike her.

Her sobs quiet after a few moments, ears lifting as he says her name. Her breathing is ragged, hitching even with her attention fully on his words. For a moment she fears her heart has stopped. And an even poorer candidate for being your husbandI. The tremors in her hands move to her whole person as her mind runs with what he might say next. Does he mean to end their engagement? Has it all finally become too much to bear? Does he look down at her now and not see her as the person he fell in love with? She bites down on her lip hard to try and keep from crying once again.

Somehow his words cut through the fear and doubt in her mind. Her hands reach out and arms wrap around his waist without her fully realizing it. While she has no fear of rejection or abandonment as he does? Her own fears and insecurities amount to the same. While she may never share it, she feels as if finding him as brought a missing piece of herself back. Perhaps not in the sense of a shard and reflection, but something far deeper.

Slowly, she pulls herself to sit up. Alkaid takes another moment to raise her eyes to find his. Her face stained with tear marks and her eyes red from crying. Blood sits on her lip from where her bite has broken the skin on it. Blonde hair with pink edges still rests over her shoulder, but it is clear her pulling on it has caused it to sit in an unnatural way.

One hand raises to brush the tears on his face away. Her beloved knight. There has already been so many times in which she has almost lost him. Yet, he remains there, as firm as the Foundation that his home city is built upon. Her hand cups his cheeks. ]

I missed you, my love. [ She speaks in barely a whisper. It is not only due to her trip to the First, or his tempering, but something else. A feeling that comes from deep inside her soul that she cannot truly express--something ancient.

Her eyes search his for some understanding or knowledge of what she speaks of. Perhaps it is just her who feels this way. Perhaps she is projecting and he does not feel as if they belong together not in just this life but all lives. ]

I... I want to go home--with you. My knight.

[thewayforpeace]

[ He longs to take her in his arms and hold her as closely as he can, being resolved to never let go of her again... or at least, until such time as she is called away from him again. At that thought, his heart clenches inside him and although he despises himself for shedding tears, they only flow faster from his eyes.

In time, he is certain that the wounds he has taken from this will heal and his strength will return, but for now, his heart is raw and he finds it difficult to hold back his emotions.

More importantly, he hopes and prays with everything he has that her wounds will heal as well. But even if they do not, even if she remains wounded and hurting for some time yet, he knows that he will remain by her side through all of it. After all, she has done that for him more than once.

And it is because of that that he ignores the exhaustion creeping over him once more, because while he would do nothing but sleep, she needs him, and that is more important to him than anything in the world.

As her hands move to encircle his waist, he moves his hands to rest on top of hers, fingers lightly ghosting against the smooth skin of her hands.

He gently reaches for her when she sits up, a look of sadness coming to his eyes once more as he sees the spot where her teeth broke the skin on her lip. Perhaps they truly are of one mind and heart, because looking at her, he cannot help but feel hurt for her: hurt and regret that he cannot take all of her pain and place it upon himself.

He would do it without a second's thought, because he loves her so very much. His tears continue to fall until she gently wipes them away, and it is only when her hand cups his cheek that he attempts speaking once more. ]

And I have missed you, far more than I can put into words.

[ His head falls forward once more, but he catches himself at the very last second. It seems as though his ability to forestall his exhaustion is waning, but he does not wish to give in even now. ]

If I were able to, I would see our steps leading us home at this very moment.

[ He strongly desires to see what has become of Ishgard and her people, and he fears that there have not been any casualties or loss of life. And barring that, he prays that the numbers remain small, because any life lost is one too many. ]

I wish only to return to our home with you by my side.

[ Still, he knows that the opportunity for them to rest may very well not come again until the matter of Thordan and the towers has been dealt with. Because Ishgard is his home, and because these are his people, he knows that he must see this to its completion, if Halone sees fit to grant him the strength to do so. ]

We will return home one day soon. [ Even though there is much he cannot speak confidently about, this is one thing he is wholly certain of. Well, this, and the notion that their lives and their destinies are inextricably woven together and will continue to be that way.

He falls silent then, but his gaze remains locked on hers, his blue eyes meeting her mismatched pair. There is tiredness in his gaze, yes, but there is unbridled love there as well, if only she looks to see it. ]

/starts to wrap this up

[shepherdtostars]

[ Her eyebrows turn upwards once he speaks. The look of love he has in his eyes is met with her own that seems ready to pour out of her at any moment. Yet, it seems her underlining meaning has gone unnoticed, which is to be expected. She has not told him of the origins they learned for their star on the First. Alphinaud has most certainly compiled a lengthy report of it all for the Alliance leaders by now. One that Aymeric most certainly has read. Though she suspects, as with all her retelling, it will mean something more to hear it from her. There is an urge--a need--to tell him what they had learned; what she suspects their case might be. Now is not the time. Perhaps once they return to Corethas and have gathered the state of his people.

She raises her other hand to hold his head the moment the wave of exhaustion hits him and his head dips forward. He clearly needs to rest more, instead of trying to carry her broken state at the moment. Alkaid slowly stands then with her mind made up. The cols hands still rest on each side of his face. She looks down at him with her eyes never leaving his. ]

We should retire for now. [ Her tone shows she has every intention of helping him back into bed. This time she will join him under the covers. She hesitates to kiss his forehead, an action that she never hesitates to inact. Her heart is so raw and battered that she is unsure if he would even wish her affections. She may not be a monster, even still seeing her as LantaaI, but the hurt and trauma make her pause. She does not wish to hurt him more by all she has inside her. ] When we return to Corethas? I... I will tell you more.

[ As she has much to tell him and more for him to understand. ] Then, we can return home. Together.

weh good thread ;;

[thewayforpeace]

[ He desperately wants to understand everything that she speaks of, that he can finally know what she and her sister went through on the First, but it seems that obtaining that understanding will have to wait.

For the moment, all he wishes to do is fall asleep beside her, and if she had not stood up, he would have moved to rest his head against her shoulder. But move she did, although he remains where he is, with her hands still resting on his face. ]

Yes, I think- I think that is for the best. [ His voice further gives away his exhaustion, not that he was trying to hide it not anymore. ]

And when we are rested, I would hear and listen to anything you wished to share with me. Home will be waiting for both of us.

[ And with that thought in mind, he pushes himself up to stand as well, hand reaching out to take hold of one of hers. It might not be a long walk to the bed, but he reaches for that contact regardless. ]