echoes of truth | ❝ tales of loss and fire and flame. ❞

[dragonssung]

song of hope

BOOK 3.5: EVER HEAVENSWARD

Tales of loss and fire and faith
Every word on our hearts engraved
In the dark you will not stray
Forge ahead, till the end, we prayCODE BY TESSISAMESS

Comments

[thewayforpeace]

[ If he could, he would answer her, saying that he remembers throwing harsh words at her and at times, recoiling from her as Thordan rained down attacks on him, an involuntary motion he did not intend. It cannot have been an easy time for her, watching all of this unfold before her eyes, and that is what he feels most troubled by. And, naturally, the notion that he caused her hurt with his words, even if they were not truly his own, does not sit well with him.

But wave after wave of tiredness washes over him, and when she pulls the blankets back over him, he finds it even more difficult to stay awake. But then she brushes down his hair and plants another kiss, and the lines of tension on his face all but melt away.

It takes a little longer for his breathing to even out as sleep pulls him under, but eventually, it reaches a more normal, easier pattern.

He does not stir at all, not even to shift or lightly twitch in response to outside stimuli, because his need for rest is so great. But when Alkaid attempts to rouse him, he does shift just a fraction but only continues sleeping. Automatically, however, as soon as she slides beneath the covers beside him, he presses himself lightly against her, still seeking her out even in his sleep.

It is not long after the pair have fallen asleep that the door lightly cracks open and K'thisru pokes her head in. It does not take her long to see that sleep has finally taken both of them, and for just a few minutes, she stands there like that with a small smile on her face. Satisfied for the moment, she slides back out again, quietly closing the door behind her and returning to the sitting room where Alisaie and Alphinaud still sit, and where Estinien still leans against the wall. ]

Both of them have fallen asleep.

[shepherdtostars]

[ There is no denying that what he had said hurt, even if she knows it was not truly him saying them. A version of him, molded and formed by doctrine that created a primal. Knowing that it was not him helped carry the pain, but, there has always been a fear in her heart that what that version of him had said was how he felt. Perhaps, deep down, all she is truly worth is her abilities as a white mage, the Echo, and the Blessing of Light. Maybe there is no place in which being Lantaa is of value to anyone, but more importantly him.

She was not lying when she had phrased things certain ways. She has felt she has failed him in so many ways. While Aymeric would insist he does not mind waiting, Alkaid knows he should not have to wait. He should be able to return from his day to a home where his lady-wife has taken care of the home. He should have a wife that is not forced to be so inconsistent with her time with him. Even more so, beyond all of those things, he should have a wife that could bear him children. Their chances had already been low, but she still had hope that somehow it might happen one day.

Her gaze drifts to the side as he falls into a slumber. They are thoughts she has gone over again and again so many times during the last few days. What is worse? A woman he loves who has let him down in any way a wife can by nature of relationship and his cultural customs, or a wife that has such a selfish need to cling to him and ask he stays with her? Alkaid swallows the sound that might have come from her and instead pulls herself closer to him once he presses to her.

Eventually, as her sister notes, she does drift off to sleep. ]

Thank the Gods. [ Alisaie breathes a sigh of relief and leans back against the couch. ] Even if it had worked... it was so very different from Ga Bu's tempering. Harder, in fact. Yet, Ga Bu was the one who has spent more time tempered.

[ Estinien shrugs and pushes himself from the wall. ] While I would not presume to know of this Ga Bu's heart? The relationship between the Archbishop and Aymeric has always been one of wanting. If primals do in fact recall their previous incarnations? It would stand to reason King Thordan attempted to ensnare Aymeric further by the bond he wished to have with the Archbishop.

[ Alisaie closes her eyes and sighs. ] No wonder then... why Alkaid refused to leave. Other than the fact that they are engaged. [ A moment passes then the young Elezen stands, legs unsteady, but she holds a hand up to refuse the help. ] Well, I say we leave them to it then. I'll need to recover myself before reporting to the Scions.

[ The young Elezen ushers them all out of the room, practically attempting to drag her twin despite the fact she is weak from the extended use of channeling aether. The quarters set aside for diplomats falls quiet even as the evening hours stretch on and into night.

Alkaid wakes but a few times in the night to check on Aymeric. He sleeps still, undisturbed, which is enough to ease her at first. Then, as it turns morning, and then afternoon, she attempts to rouse him so he might at least eat. He remains the hardly responsive that he has been, mumbling something she cannot understand before sinking back into his sleep. It only truly begins to worry her once it stretches onto a second day. K'thisru visits and attempts to help, but Alkaid still sits twisting her fingers in worry. Logically, of course, he would sleep this long. The mental and emotional battle was long and taxing... he would need to sleep...

The second day stretches on into night. Alkaid does what she can to keep her mind occupied during it all, but inevitably, finds herself sitting on the edge of the bed that night. Her hands shake uncontrollably with the worries in her mind compounding on one another. She looks over her shoulder at Aymeric, waiting to see if he might move at all. Minutes stretch to an hour and once it is clear he will not wake? She slips from the bed to sit on the floor beside it.

Her arms rest on the bed and her chin atop them, simply watching as he sleeps. A hand stretches out at one point to rest atop of his with her fingers brushing along the top. Then, she pulls her hand back, and tilts her forehead against both arms and closes her eyes. A few tears manage to escape despite her best attempts, and hands curl into the blanket beneath them. Why did all of this happen to him? What had he ever done to deserve it? Nothing, of course. That answer is hardly enough to calm the churning emotions inside her.

Eventually, sleep takes her once again, despite the rather uncomfortable position. ]

[thewayforpeace]

[ It seems as though there is much that they must speak about, and many things he still believes he must apologize for and thank her for as well. But in order to do so, he will obviously need to be awake and strong enough to sort through everything that has happened.

There is a part of him that believed it was his lot in life to be wedded to the city that he loves so much, to be consumed with thoughts of how best to protect her and the people who call her home. But then the Warriors of Light crossed his path, and although he did not realize it straight away, they brought light back to his life and hope to the city as well.

Whether or not he should have to wait is a non-issue in his mind. He has found love when he was not looking for it, and he would not begrudge her for having to leave as often as she does. He truly does not mind having to wait for her, and he would go as far as to say he would spend the rest of his life content with such an arrangement, knowing that she would return to him whenever she could. A part of him would always worry about her, but he has the benefit of having a solid friend such as Estinien who is not so bound by duty and obligation and could find the time to look in on her. Estinien still has his responsibilities, but of the two of them, he has more freedom to move about while Aymeric has less.

At the end of it all, he considers himself blessed that he has found her at all, whether or not she can be with him constantly or whether or not she can give him children. To wish for anything more than what he has already been gifted feels too grasping, too selfish, and so he has resolved to not do that if he can help it.

But for the moment, his cares and worries are far from him, because his mind has been taxed by the long struggle. The sleep he has managed to find is a dreamless one, which is perhaps a mercy given everything that has transpired.

Even so, it seems as though he will not be waking for a good long while, because his body and mind have been thoroughly depleted. Even when Alkaid attempts to awaken him from his slumber, he barely responds and merely goes on sleeping aside from an unintelligible mumble and a barely noticeable change in position.

But one day turns into another, and night comes again and still Aymeric sleeps. This time, however, as a few more hours pass, something stirs in Aymeric's mind, and he dimly registers Alkaid moving although he cannot see what it is she is doing. He feels a little pressure on the bed, not enough to disturb him, but enough to let him know that Alkaid is either sitting on the bed again or has fallen asleep on it. He simply cannot tell which is which.

The hold that sleep has on him is lessening, although he has a long way to go before he can truly call himself awake. Still, one hand curls beneath the blanket, fingers moving to grip onto the sheets below them. The other hand moves as well, also gripping onto the sheets as tightly as he can manage.

Awareness slowly returns to him, and with it comes a confused blur of feelings that culminate in one equally confused memory: Thordan's voice echoing in his thoughts and through his mind, and for one terrifying second, he cringes inwardly as if fearing being struck and hurt once again.

Driven by that sudden fear, his eyes abruptly snap open and his frame tenses. But just as suddenly, his mind fills in the gaps and he realizes that his thoughts are his own, there is no cause for the terror that has taken hold.

There must have been at one point, but whenever he tries to focus on those memories, they slip away before he can. Perhaps it is for the best that he not remember whatever transpired in its entirety, he reasons.

But now that he has awoken, he can see that he is not alone. Alkaid has also fallen asleep, and remains that way, and although the last thing he wishes to do is disturb her rest, he reaches out and lightly places a hand on top of her head and lets it rest there. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ Alkaid herself does not dream, and that in itself is a blessing. Since returning from the First, all too often are her dreams filled with horrors of sin eaters or the horror Black Rose could have caused. Perhaps she is far too exhausted for her mind to even conjure such visions. Instead, her breathing simply is irregular from the stress of everything the last week. That, or it is the lingering fear and anxiety over her husband-to-be.

There is a hitch in her breathing as she dimly registers, somewhere in her mind, that Aymeric has begun to move. His hand rests atop of her head and her ears twitch. It takes a moment longer for her eyes to open. She raises her head clearly still coming out of the stages of sleep. However, the moment her eyes meet his, her ears stand on end. Tears begin to gather and she raises her own hand to rest on his arm. She moves to speak his name but finds that she is unable to really speak at all.

Her fingers run along his arm until her arm cannot reach further. The tears start to run down her face, and she again tries to say his name. This time, a sound something similar to a whine manages to break through the fear that is paralyzing her. ]

[thewayforpeace]

[ When she moves, he startles just a bit, because he had not been expecting her to stir so soon. But then he startles again when he realizes that she is crying, and just as she did for him, he reaches out so that he might dry the tears that are falling from her eyes.

It is not until he hears that sound from her that he pushes himself forward on the bed, ignoring the lingering tiredness that still clings to him and the residual weakness that still remains. But with how each of them are positioned, what is in his mind to do would be easier if he was not lying in a bed. So, armed with that thought and a sudden determination, he moves until he is out from beneath the covers and both legs are over the side of the bed.

From there, he attempts to stand just long enough for him to move closer to where she is seated on the floor. He has to keep one hand on the bed to prop himself up, because he still is not accustomed to standing, but as soon as he reaches her, he kneels down upon the floor and wraps his arms around her as best as he can. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ She freezes the moment she can feel his startle through his arm. Her eyebrows knit together at his hand on her face that brush her tears away. The reality of the situation settles on her all at once. He is not only awake, but the tempered light has not returned to his eyes. Instead, his sky-blue ones gaze back at her as they should. A fresh wave of tears come to her as relief and exhaustion wash over her all at once. The cure had obviously worked, but beyond that, he had not reverted back to a tempered state.

This time, the cry that comes from her is of relief. Her free hand moves to cover her mouth as if to stifle the sound and keep her emotions inside. Even more so once she sees he has begun to move. Her ears stand on end and the hand on his arm gentlty squeezes as if to say he should not move so much just yet. She can see he is determined in whatever course his mind has set, and thus she simply sits on the floor in her lighter fabric sleeping gown. Both hands move to help steady him at his hips and side once as he stands, then kneels down in front of her.

His arms wrap around her and she pauses. Her mind takes another moment to register the motion and the gravitas around it. Both of her shaking arms wrap around his frame and another cry of relief leaves her. Her face hides in his chest with the shaking spreading to her whole body. Alkaid shuts her eyes tightly to keep the tears at bay, regardless of the fact her tail begins to thump against the floor to vent the bottled emotions another way. ]

A-Aymeric...

[thewayforpeace]

[ He really ought not to be moving so soon, but he has spent so long being incapable of moving or even speaking that he realizes he cannot spend another moment lying still, not when the woman he loves more than anything in the world is here and in need of comfort. He may need to rest again after this, but holding her and comforting her is far more important to him.

Once he is on the ground beside her, arms wrapped around her and her own arms doing the same to him, he presses his face against her shoulder, paying no heed to how far he must lean down to complete the action. ]

I love you. [ His hold tightens on her as the realization of just how much he loves her sweeps over him again. ] I love you.

[ It might not be all he wishes to say to her, but it is a start. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ Once his head rests on her shoulder, Alkaid shifts to hold him purely on instinct. Her head lays atop of his, nuzzling her nose into his hair. Her tail still hits the floor to vent the emotions she refuses to let out, but, she at least has stopped shaking as much. Hands curl into his borrowed night shirt. The blonde and pink hair comes over her other shoulder with none of her customary braids in sight.

After a few moments, her hand starts to rub his back. She instantly falls into the one comforting by simple nature of who she is. A gentle kiss is planted to his ear in response to his declaration. Of course, she knows, but hearing the words again with no fear of him being torn away... it fills her heart with so many emotions she hardly knows where to start.

Alkaid closes her eyes before kissing the side of his head. Then, she speaks gently, so that only he might hear: ] Hello, my knight.

[thewayforpeace]

[ As always, her hold soothes him and the growing fear inside him that he has yet to give voice to. He holds that back for the moment, because as is customary with him, he finds himself being far more concerned with her needs than anything that might be causing him trouble. But still, he allows her to hold him, once again drinking in the comfort she gives him. The way she nuzzles her nose into his hair is something he has grown to like very much, and it relieves him to know that she is still responding in the same way that she always has.

A part of his mind chastises him for accepting her comfort when he should be the one reassuring her, but then again, they can both help each other. He practically melts beneath her as she begins rubbing his back, an action that eases some of the tension in his spine and shoulders as well.

He feared that they would never speak again, not like this, and what's more, he feared that the primal would sever their connection and their bond forever until one or both of them ended up in the aetherial sea.

Again, his emotions rise and his frame shakes even in her hold as he tries to settle them and wills his fears and worries to lessen. ]

I have missed you, Lantaa. [ His voice thickens with emotion as he adds: ] I feared that my last words to you would be unkind and hurtful, and that is not how I would have you remember me.

[shepherdtostars]

[ King Thordan would need to remove her from this star, and even then, that would not change how she feels towards him. It would not change how she acts towards him. He is her mate, and beyond that, she feels as if their souls might always be bound together. Perhaps it was something from another life, or perhaps they have simply become so tied together in this life. Either way, she cannot fathom nor see a life without him in it.

He is her knight, after all, in more ways than one. He protects and shields her when he can. Even more so, he guards and shields her heart. While it is not a sentiment he may agree with her in the moment? She would still trust him to protect it.

Her arms pull him closer. ]

They were not your words. Of course I would not remember you by them. [ She then cradles him to her frame, gently rocking him backwards and forwards by only a fraction. ] I... I feared you would not see me as yours if they had to take you from me. That, if you had to leave me, and return to the aetheric sea... t-that you would look at me, but not see Lantaa. Only the Warrior of Light.

[ Her face presses into his hair again as her eyes shut. Her tail continues to tap onto the floor as she forces her emotions to calm. ]

...that in the end, that would be all I was to be to you. The Warrior of Light, slayer of primals...

[thewayforpeace]

[ If he ever doubted that they belonged together and that their souls are tied inextricably together, he no longer has any doubts. In all likelihood, he never had doubts to begin with, because with her, he has found everything he could have ever wanted or hoped for, and now he can scarcely imagine a life without her.

If they should ever be separated, he knows without a doubt that his soul will try to find hers, through as many lifetimes as it might take. And although they might appear differently from how they are now, he will know it when it's her.

The gravity of what she is saying is not lost on him, and as it sinks in, his shaking only continues. A part of him reprimands himself for his lack of control, but for the moment, the calm and collected Lord Speaker has gone, replaced by a man who is barely able to rein in his emotions. ]

There was a moment when it seemed as though that was our only recourse. [ Looking back on it now, he knows that he had begun to lose hope that he could be saved. He would rather die as himself than spend the rest of his days enslaved by a primal. But it seems as though Alkaid's faith and Alisaie's determination were greater than he could have imagined. He still resolves to properly thank Alisaie at his earliest opportunity. ]

But a part of me knew that it was you: not only the Warrior of Light, but Lantaa, the one whom I love most. I might not have been able to put it into words, but I knew that it was you.

[ The primal tried to take that from him, and he almost succeeded, but he still managed to hold onto at least a little of that recollection.

But as much as he would like to, and even though he still has a great deal of recovering left to do, he asks: ] What are we going to do now? What is... Do you know the state of affairs in Ishgard?

[ He imagines she will say they must remain here for some time longer, but he cannot hold back the question either. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ She had idle musings on the First if their souls had ever found one another before now. There had been seven Rejoinings... had they ever met in those seven reflections? Or, is it, they had not, and that is why they remain so stubborn in staying together now? Had they found one another before the Calamities on the Source, only to be torn apart, needing to find one another again and again? They are thoughts she has never shared with anyone--not even her sister. Although, she had a feeling that Ardbert had caught on at some point, given how he sulked about the room given to the sisters.

Alkaid continues to gently rock him, her grip only tightening once he speaks of how perhaps their only option had been to slay him. The idea alone still causes her hands to tremor and a sharp pain in her heart. While she never wishes to walk this star without her sister or Aymeric? The future is uncertain and it may very well happen... which only causes her raw heart to ache more. ]

You spoke to me the few times you could manage it... and told me you were still there in little ways. [ Maybe ways that only she and Estinien might pick up on.

Regardless, she tries to pull him ever closer as she sways back and forth for him. His question makes her frown. She should have thought to ask Estinien of such things. After all, Aymeric's greatest love is his city and people, as she sees it in her mind. How had she not thought to keep informed of the situation, knowing he might ask when he returned to himself? Her gaze drops to the floor as a fresh wave of failure strikes at her. ]

I'm unaware of where she stands, other than the fact that she still does. [ Her ears flatten and her tail curls up around her leg. ] If you'd like, I can summon Estinien, and we can see what he and the others have learned.

[ Alkaid frowns slightly as her shoulders curl. Part of her wishes to curl up on herself as yet another way she has let him down piles in her mind. ]

I'm certain the Admiral will wish to speak to you and learn how this had happened to start with. Until then, a few more days of rest and food should get you back on your feet. Once you have recovered enough to walk? We will make our way to Ishgard.

[thewayforpeace]

[ Perhaps he is far too romantic in his thinking, an idea that Estinien has taken him to task for previously, but Aymeric has always believed in the notion that there was one person out there intended for him. Now whether or not their paths would cross, he could not have said, but then he met Alkaid, and now he cannot imagine a life without her. As far as he is concerned, they were meant to find each other, and they will keep finding each other again.

He leans further into her hold, an impressive task given how close they already are, but he only wants to be with her, to be held by her and try to give her as much comfort in return as he can. In his mind, he only causes her hurt and regret, not happiness, and that is not what he wants for her.

Perhaps he should be less selfish and think less of Ishgard and more of her. At the suggestion that she summon Estinien and ask him for information about Ishgard, Aymeric only shakes his head. If he is to be less selfish, then he must place focus on her where it belongs. ]

If you say Ishgard still stands, that is enough. [ He tries to inject as much confidence into his words as possible, and after all, it is not a lie. ] She has stood firmly this long; I imagine that is not about to change. [ Never mind that he fears for the safety of those he considers friends and allies. ]

I am not sure what I will say to her when she comes seeking an audience. [ His memories of what transpired are unclear and he can scarcely recall how it was he became tempered in the first place. ] I would think she will not find me a very useful source of information.

[ His eyes slide closed again for just a moment, opening once more a few seconds later. ] If you have nowhere else to be, I would ask for your indulgence again, and request that you lie beside me.

[ But it is only a request, and he is quick to add that: ] Only if you wish to, of course.

[ He feels exhaustion beginning to take hold again, and he imagines she must need more rest as well. It is difficult for him to imagine that a few days of resting is all it will take for his recovery, but she is a healer and would certainly know of what she speaks. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ She continues to rock him back and forth, hand once again beginning to rub his shoulders. The tension there is obvious and she wonders what troubles his mind. Surely, it must be Ishgard, and the state of his people. Her ears press further to the side of her head as she kisses the top of his own. Now is not the time to be selfish even if she wishes to be. He has need to know what has befallen their home and the people that make Ishgard what she is. ]

I'm certain Ishgard will remain. We will need to get you back on your feet as soon as possible in order to make the trip to Corethas. [ Her nose presses to his head as a shaking sigh leaves her. A brief moment passes before her gaze slips towards the bed. ] Any information is likely to be of use at the moment. Still, we can focus on that in the morning.

[ Or not at all... as she would wish nothing more than to beside him for a time.

His request is met with her hands curling into his shirt once more. Why would he think he would need to ask her for her company? They are to be wed. He is her mate--the one her heart and soil cry out to for protection. He woild never need to ask for her company. ]

Where else would I have need to be than by the side of my betrothed? My lord, my knight. [ And, she would rather not be parted from him ever again. She does not even wish to move from where they are, as that would mean they would need to separate. Her fingers gently weave in and out of the locks of hair. Even after all that has happened since the first time they've met? His hair remains ever so soft. ]

We ought to get you back to bed. Unless, there is something you wish to have before then?

[thewayforpeace]

[ It is most certainly a foolish thought, but as she holds him and rocks him, he cannot help but be reminded of being held by his mother. The memory of it has faded a bit, but he can still recall the feeling of having her arms around him and holding him too when he needed her comfort.

And speaking of comfort, he is resolved to not wait any longer, because he has long suspected that not all is well with her, and it seems to him that she will not be speaking of it willingly. He might still have a long way to go for his own recovery, but that will not stop him.

He waits until she has finished speaking, but he cannot hold back the sigh of contentment as she threads her fingers through his hair. He has always appreciated her touches and how she pays attention to certain spots, such as his neck and shoulders where tension is wont to form. ]

Yes, there is something that I wish to do first. I require nothing else, as you have already given me everything I could have asked for before I even thought to do so.

[ With one hand, he reaches for hers so that he might hold onto it while he speaks. With the other, he reaches for her hair that has fallen down around her shoulders, and he lightly takes hold of it, winding his fingers carefully through it, being mindful not to tug or pull on it. It too is soft, and he finds he likes the feel of it. ]

Lantaa, I have often wondered... do you hold back or otherwise disregard your own personal worries and fears for the benefit of others? [ He does not wait for an answer, knowing that he might seem as though he is being too brusque, but he needs to state his observations. ] I feel as though you do, and I also feel that it is to the detriment of your well-being.

[ He runs his fingers over the strands of hair beneath them again, and his other hand moves to cup her cheek gently. His own tiredness is still washing over him, but this is far too important for him to put off for another time. ]

With how often I have leaned upon you for support, I think it is only fitting that you allow me to do the same for you.

[ And having said that, he momentarily abandons brushing his fingers against her hair so that he might place his other hand on her other cheek, and he leans forward to place a light but still caring kiss on her lips. ]

I wish only to provide you with all the comfort and care that you have given me.

[shepherdtostars]

[ The sigh that leaves him makes a ghost of a smile form on her lips. She continues to ease his hair down and ghost her fingertips over his strained muscles. Her movements only stop once he begins to speak of something he would like to do. A tilt of her head is given once he pulls back to look at her. Her fingers slip between his, giving a gentle squeeze.

A sway takes to her tail once more as he begins to speak. Her eyelids flutter shut at the feeling of his fingers in her hair. Then, his question makes her pause. Her tail stills and eyes open once more to meet his. They widen slightly as he continues on. The expression on her face falls, and it is quite obvious that his deductions are accurate.

Alkaid remains still until his other hand takes her other cheek. Her hands pull back to begin twisting one another. A shake overcomes her. She has never been truly good at expressing her emotions into words she feels are accurate. Despite that, she gently nudges her nose to his cheek. ]

... I'm a Warrior of Light... [ Her voice is barely above a whisper and her gaze falls from his. She sinks into his touch, but does not move much more than that. ] ...I must be alright, for everyone... because they depend on me and Thisru... I-I have to be....

[thewayforpeace]

[ And once again, he considers himself incredibly fortunate and blessed to have someone as kind and good as her with him. Although he knows she would disagree, he believes that what he has found is more than he could ever deserve or hope to earn.

And although he wants nothing more than to continue relishing her comfort, he has thought of himself long enough, and so his thoughts must turn to her and what she needs. When he sees her face fall, the pang in his heart is unmistakable, because he knows that what he surmised was correct. ]

Yes, you are, but that does not mean that you must put all your time and energy into caring for others and leaving nothing for yourself. [ He huffs out a quiet laugh. ] That is a lesson that I have had to learn, and you have helped me learn it.

[ His hands move from her face to take hold of her hands as well, and he gives them a gentle squeeze. ]

If you will allow me, Lantaa, I would help shoulder your burdens and carry them alongside you.

[ He leans in again so that he might brush a gentle kiss to the side of her face. ]

You do not have to carry them alone.

[shepherdtostars]

[ The ears pressed to her head lift only slightly at his laugh. She feels he never truly smiles enough or has the chance to. Her hands curl underneath his own and for a brief moment, she nearly leans forward to his chest. What he says does not go unnoticed, but, it is clear by her eyes that she struggles with putting away the mantle. There was a time she did it easily. That was before she felt she was broken; before her time on the First.

The gentle kiss, however, is what breaks down the flimsy mantle.

Tears gather in her eyes. She feels as if much of who she had been before their time on the First had been damaged, leaving a broken version of herself who desperately clings to the safety her sister and her betrothed give her. She might have said that was the reason why she feared losing Aymeric to the primal's influence... except for the fact it would be a lie. She feared losing him because she loves him far too much. A part of her would return to the aetheric sea with him, and she does not know what would truly remain of her then. ]

I...

[ Her head lowers and she leans forward, but never quite makes it to resting against him. Instead, it seems more as if she crumbles on the spot. She raises her hands to hide her face as tears begin to fall from her eyes and down her face. ]

[thewayforpeace]

[ It certainly is true that he does not smile or laugh often. There has not been very much for him to laugh at of late. Before all of this began, he had already thought to himself that she was his reason for smiling, because she brought joy to his life that had long been absent. And part of him still cannot believe how everything turned out, that the war that dragged on for so long is finally over.

Of course, these thoughts have retreated to the back of his mind following his tempering and being cured, but one thing remains clear: she brings him more happiness than he ever thought he could have or find. And even though he still has much to contend with, all he wants to do is help her the way she has him.

His heart sinks when he sees her mantle break before his eyes. And when she begins to cry, hiding her face in her hands, he is quick to wrap his arms around her, pulling her closer and pressing her frame against his. One hand moves to the back of her head where it begins lightly stroking her hair. ]

I am right here, and I will not be leaving you for anything on this star. [ He realizes now that so much has happened that could have separated them: the knife wound he took in the streets, any number of events during the war, and now his being tempered... But they have weathered all of it somehow, and they are still together. He does not intend to lose her now, not even to the tangles of her own mind and heart. ]

Whatever you need from me, I shall give it, even if it is only holding you when you feel as though you cannot go on.

[ He would give her what strength he has, because he cannot imagine a life without her in it. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ He pulls her to him and she does not argue. She lowers her head in his shoulder, arms around his frame, bunching into the fabric of his nightshirt. Of course, she had answered any question he might have of why her dreams woke her in the middle of the night, but she had framed them in factoids and almost a way that Alphinaud would list his reports. She had not wanted to admit to him how deeply the horrors of the First had affected her. There was so much good, so much hope that had been found by the end of it. Why then, even with hope, smiles, and the night sky returned, was she still plagued by nightmares of things that had not only happened but would not come to pass?

Something about losing him has always struck a deep cord in her--even before he was "hers" to lose. While his time in the Vault had certainly scared her? She has realized that the attempted murder was when she realized how much she wished him to remain on their star. It hardly mattered if she was to only be a friend and ally. She could not conceive of a world without Ser Aymeric in it. Then, one thing led to another, and now she will stand beside him as his wife and mate. The sentiment has not changed: she does not wish to lose him in any sense of the word.

Alkaid presses her face into his shoulder with her hands clutching onto him. Tremors take her whole body as all she had tried so hard to contain finds a way to surface. She moves to speak, but all that leaves her is a small cry. She wishes she might bear her heart out to him in the words he is so adept at using. That way he might truly understand all within her heart: how deep her love for him is, how horrified she is of losing him. Instead, she finds herself hoping Aymeric might come to understand them by her actions and sounds alone. ]

...Aymeric...

[ His name is said more like a plea, crying out to him. There is so much she might say, or might explain, and she does not know where to begin.

Another sob escapes her at his words. Why does it cause what feels like her very soul to cry out? Had they truly met in another life and sworn to find one another again? Had they been unable to find each other before? Perhaps it is none of those things and she desperately wishes for a romantic notion of having only one soul for her own. Some extension of her desire to not share a mate with the rest of her clan. Logic would say such a thing. Yet, deep down, her soul trembles with such emotion she cannot help but wonder the opposite of it all. ]

...I... it...

[thewayforpeace]

[ He has no real frame of reference for how he should act in this moment. Holding her, petting her hair and her ears, and just being there with her seems all well and good, but is that really what she needs?

He has questions for her, but a part of him wonders if asking them when she is so obviously fragile would only make things worse. Oh, of course she told him what happened during her time on the First, and he knew immediately that she had no small amount of lingering effects from being there and from everything she had seen.

Still, he knew he was at a loss for how he could really help. All he knows right now is that she needs help, but he is unsure how to give it. ]

Lantaa, I am right here, and I will always be right here, to the best of my ability.

[ Except at the moment, it seems that his best efforts are not enough, but he knows he still has to try. ]

Would it be of help if you were to talk about anything you wished to while I listened?

[ It seems that talking might help, but if she refuses, then he will have to simply think of another approach to take. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ If only she knew what might cure all she struggles with. Then, she could share with him, and help the both of them. Instead she finds herself crying, despite the fact she does not wish to subject the man she loves to the horrors she has witnessed. Not when he has gone through his own struggles and continues to...

Her tears do come to a stop eventually as he brushes her hair and along her ears. The motion is soothing and calms her to some degree. Her breathing is still uneven and her shoulders shaking even though she feels that sense of comfort wash over her. Alkaid tilts her head to hide her face between his neck and shoulder. The hands at his back relax. A sensation of exhaustion hits her now that the emotional outburst has passed.

She gently nuzzles his neck at his words. Would be really stay once he sees how broken she feels...?

Her voice is soft, almost a whisper as she closes the remaining gap between them to curl against him. ] ...what is it you wish to know...?

[thewayforpeace]

[ Knowing how she stayed by his side, patiently waiting and helping him through the worst of the long fight of being tempered, he is resolved to be every bit as patient with her now. If she continues to cry, he means to hold her and reassure her for as long as it takes.

But as her tears come to a halt and she seems to calm down a little, his thoughts turn to what he might do or say to help her through this. His hands remain where they are, holding her and doing what he can to comfort her, but his head tilts to one side as he ponders his actions. ]

You have told me what transpired while you were away from us. I can scarcely imagine the things you have seen and what you have gone through, but- It is more that I wish for you to know that you do not have to be anything but who you are. And perhaps even more importantly, you do not need to work so hard to maintain the appearance of being all right, when you know that all is not well with yourself.

[ He knows that he is still learning these lessons himself, but it seems to him that she needs the reminder as well. ]

You will not be disappointing me or anyone else if you need time to recover and to be a person... A person who has gone through nothing short of hell in order to save not just one world but two. I think that none would begrudge you feelings of weakness after everything that you have done.

[ He moves his hands to take hold of hers, and he gives them a firm squeeze. ]

Lantaa, if you are feeling broken and as though you cannot find the strength to go on... Rest. Rest, and know that I will be with you every step of the way.

[ Perhaps it is strange, because he does not feel very strong himself, but being strong for her makes him feel more resolved and even stronger himself.

And having said all that, he leans in so that he can press a kiss to the side of her head. He does not know if his words will help, or if there is more that he ought to say, but he is simply following his heart in this moment. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ She told him the bare minimum, especially after the nightmares that would cause her to wake in the middle of the night. There was no way to not cause him to worry more than he ought to. Even so, she wished to lessen his worry as much as she could. So much already rests on his shoulders that she does not wish her burdens to weigh him down. He clearly disagrees with the notion, and she knows that once Aymeric has set his mind to an idea? Very little can change it.

Her hands squeeze his in return to show she is listening to every word he has spoken. The kiss to the side of her head causes tears to gather once more. Gods, she wishes he could truly travel with her. That she may roll over in a tent or an inn only to find him there beside her. But, he is still needed in Ishgad--now more than ever. The fact does not stop the longing she feels deep inside her soul; to have him there to protect her as he so desires to.

Her fingers move along his as her eyes close once more. ]

They turned. [ Perhaps he will stop her from speaking at some point. Perhaps he does not truly wish to know what transpired on the First to scar her so deeply. ] Just as one who is tempered malforms if exposed to enough of the aether a primal gives... they turned into what they called sin eaters...

[ In her mind all she can see is Tesleen, the countless people in Lakeland, the people of Eulmore. The ones they were too late to save. ]

... so much light poured into them at once... y-you could...we saw their bodies twist and contort into shapes and lengths that it is not meant to have. Wings sprout from malformed parts. They were so pale... pure white ... void of anything that made them who they once were...

[ She bites her lip as her hands clutch onto his. A moment of silence passes before she raises a single tremoring hand. It rests on his chest and over his heart. ]

The more powerful ones could leave a small essence of primordial light inside you. You would turn slowly... your skin, your eyes... losing everything of who you are ... memories, sense of self, any awareness of who you were... A-Alisaie helped a small settlement dedicated to trying to help them... but they couldn't save them... i-instead they would give them a poisoned last meal when it was time... to keep them from turning...

[ Alkaid begins to shake once more. Her shoulders curl again as she tries to keep herself together. ]

Her friend was turned... s-she saved a young boy who almost turned too... Tesleen tuned in front of us... Thisru, Alisaie and I... w-we had to put her down before she turned others...

[ She shallows the lump forming in her throat. ] Light is stasis. Peace. There was so much stagnant aether around us. I-I could sense it no matter where we were. Y'shtola saw it, and felt it, but... but...

[thewayforpeace]

[ A part of him is already beginning to ponder a future in which he has given the reins over to another and left Ishgard so that he might travel alongside the woman he intends to marry. Would it be an adjustment? Of course. Will he miss his home greatly? Absolutely. But it will be worth all of the adjusting and feelings of being homesick if he can wake up every morning beside her and go to sleep next to her as well.

It is clear to him that they should not be parted, not for as long as they have been, and he thinks that not only for himself but now because it is apparent to him that she needs his support more than ever.

She has just begun explaining what she has seen, but the tone of her voice is enough to cause tension to form in his shoulders, and although doing so only causes a dull ache to form in his head, he does not have to have been there to be able to know how horrifying it must have been to see people turn in the way she's describing.

As she goes on, he has to will himself to remain still, to keep his shoulders... his entire frame from shaking. He might have been more contained had his defenses not taken so many hits over the last handful of days and weeks, but in the aftermath of everything, what she says shakes him more than he expected it would.

He does not wish for her to see that this has rattled him, and so he holds himself as still as he can, eyes still fixed upon hers. ]

I am so very sorry that you and your companions had to witness such things, but more than that, not to put it mildly, I am beyond troubled that people who have done little to deserve such a fate have had such things happen to them. And though I do not know all of their names, I would remember them alongside those whom we have lost.

[ Because in his mind, it does not matter if a person who has fallen is of Ishgard or Doma or any of the far-flung places that Alkaid has seen. A life is a life, and any loss of life is something that should not be pushed aside and forgotten.

In spite of his determination to appear impassive and unbothered, his shoulders drop as the weight of what she has told him sinks in. But he will not have her blame herself. He has not, nor will he, ask to be shielded from the harsh realities of the world. ]

I trust that you and the other Scions were able to find some resolution to the root cause of this problem. And more importantly, I imagine you would have told me as much if one of your number fell to these threats. [ Any loss at all is devastating. If one of the Scions fell, she surely would have told him. ] I know what you have told me about your physical wellbeing, and that of your sisters, but I trust that you did not experience any effects from your exposure to the light.

[ Because while it is her emotional state that troubles him, one cannot see to their emotional needs and ignore the physical, or the opposite. That is a lesson that he has had to learn of late. ]