[ He watches her nervously, sensing that thoughts are turning themselves over in her mind and willing himself to remain still as he waits. The only outward signs of his nervousness are the small tremors in his hands and shoulders, because he is beginning to fear that there is nothing he can do to help her.
Everything he relies on seems useless in the face of what she has gone through. What good is a strong, resolved posture and even stronger and more determined words? Taking a stance and saying the right things will not help nor will it be enough.
And above all of this, he fears that she will see his inability to help in any lasting way and take it as yet another failure on his part. He fears that this could be the very thing that drives her from him, taking all the joy and hope he found again with her.
When her hand pulls away, moving to grab onto her hair, he watches still, wondering what this must mean. But her explanation comes soon enough, and all the tension in his spine that he has been trying to keep at bay crashes down on him in full force.
His mouth opens to say something, but he freezes in place the moment she pulls her hand away from his. Please do not shut me out. The thought springs unbidden to his mind, because he fears her closing herself off from him, either because she believes he is unable to help, or worse: because she believes he can but does not wish to saddle him with her burdens.
His hands clench into fists as a burning sensation forms in his eyes, but he wills the tears to stay where they are. It does not matter how weak he still feels inside; now is not the time for displays of tears. What good is he as her husband-to-be if she will not share her troubles and her burdens with him? In his mind, it seems clear that he has wronged her somehow if she believes that she cannot share all that she struggles with.
Somewhere deep inside him, the old pain, the old fear of being left behind with nothing but an empty home save for the faithful steward and maid who served his family for generations surfaces and will remain with him until their years run their course. He cannot go back to such a lonely existence, but he feels as though that is what will inevitably happen. Perhaps he should never have dared think that he could change his reality, that he could experience love and happiness again.
The longer the silence goes on between them, the more the shaking in his hands and shoulders grows, to the point that he can no longer conceal it. His head lowers and his eyes slide closed as the fear that she will tell him she has decided to sunder their relationship grows.
But then he feels her forehead coming to rest against his chest, and he forces his eyes to open again, light blue eyes locking onto her. Her eyes are hidden, of course, but he focuses his gaze on her, refusing to look away again.
Her words wash over him, sinking into his mind and his heart, and the pain inside him only grows. But this time, it is not pain caused by his own deeprooted fears, but pain and fear for her and for everything that she and her sister have gone through.
Feeling utterly helpless, he bows his head and the tears he tried to hold back leak from his eyes. He cannot save the Warriors of Light nor protect them from the great threats they face, and when it has been presented so plainly to him just how much they have suffered while doing their duty, he cannot ignore the fact that he is only a man with no abilities and no skills of consequence that could protect them.
The leaking tears turn into a flood that even he cannot stem, but he finally speaks through them, his voice choked by emotion and his words being little more than broken whispers. ]
Lantaa, I have nothing that I can give you, and even the protection that is yours by rights seems entirely inadequate in the face of everything that lies before you and that you have already experienced. I fear that I am a poor protector indeed, and an even poorer candidate for being your husband.
Nevertheless, I- [ His voice breaks and he has to force himself to continue pushing forward. ] I swear to you and to your sister as well that no matter what happens, I will not leave you. My life and what little protection I can give is yours, wholly and completely, and nothing shall separate me from you for as long as I remain here upon this star.
[ Nothing save perhaps her wish to be parted from him, because his words are lofty and built upon ideals and promises, not reality and facts. Having said his piece, his head lowers again and his eyes close, because he could not bear to see her reject him. Perhaps it is only a sign of his past hurts that he fears her rejection, because her words point to needing him just as much, but there is no silencing his fears. ]
no subject
Everything he relies on seems useless in the face of what she has gone through. What good is a strong, resolved posture and even stronger and more determined words? Taking a stance and saying the right things will not help nor will it be enough.
And above all of this, he fears that she will see his inability to help in any lasting way and take it as yet another failure on his part. He fears that this could be the very thing that drives her from him, taking all the joy and hope he found again with her.
When her hand pulls away, moving to grab onto her hair, he watches still, wondering what this must mean. But her explanation comes soon enough, and all the tension in his spine that he has been trying to keep at bay crashes down on him in full force.
His mouth opens to say something, but he freezes in place the moment she pulls her hand away from his. Please do not shut me out. The thought springs unbidden to his mind, because he fears her closing herself off from him, either because she believes he is unable to help, or worse: because she believes he can but does not wish to saddle him with her burdens.
His hands clench into fists as a burning sensation forms in his eyes, but he wills the tears to stay where they are. It does not matter how weak he still feels inside; now is not the time for displays of tears. What good is he as her husband-to-be if she will not share her troubles and her burdens with him? In his mind, it seems clear that he has wronged her somehow if she believes that she cannot share all that she struggles with.
Somewhere deep inside him, the old pain, the old fear of being left behind with nothing but an empty home save for the faithful steward and maid who served his family for generations surfaces and will remain with him until their years run their course. He cannot go back to such a lonely existence, but he feels as though that is what will inevitably happen. Perhaps he should never have dared think that he could change his reality, that he could experience love and happiness again.
The longer the silence goes on between them, the more the shaking in his hands and shoulders grows, to the point that he can no longer conceal it. His head lowers and his eyes slide closed as the fear that she will tell him she has decided to sunder their relationship grows.
But then he feels her forehead coming to rest against his chest, and he forces his eyes to open again, light blue eyes locking onto her. Her eyes are hidden, of course, but he focuses his gaze on her, refusing to look away again.
Her words wash over him, sinking into his mind and his heart, and the pain inside him only grows. But this time, it is not pain caused by his own deeprooted fears, but pain and fear for her and for everything that she and her sister have gone through.
Feeling utterly helpless, he bows his head and the tears he tried to hold back leak from his eyes. He cannot save the Warriors of Light nor protect them from the great threats they face, and when it has been presented so plainly to him just how much they have suffered while doing their duty, he cannot ignore the fact that he is only a man with no abilities and no skills of consequence that could protect them.
The leaking tears turn into a flood that even he cannot stem, but he finally speaks through them, his voice choked by emotion and his words being little more than broken whispers. ]
Lantaa, I have nothing that I can give you, and even the protection that is yours by rights seems entirely inadequate in the face of everything that lies before you and that you have already experienced. I fear that I am a poor protector indeed, and an even poorer candidate for being your husband.
Nevertheless, I- [ His voice breaks and he has to force himself to continue pushing forward. ] I swear to you and to your sister as well that no matter what happens, I will not leave you. My life and what little protection I can give is yours, wholly and completely, and nothing shall separate me from you for as long as I remain here upon this star.
[ Nothing save perhaps her wish to be parted from him, because his words are lofty and built upon ideals and promises, not reality and facts. Having said his piece, his head lowers again and his eyes close, because he could not bear to see her reject him. Perhaps it is only a sign of his past hurts that he fears her rejection, because her words point to needing him just as much, but there is no silencing his fears. ]