[ She could tell him of the plan the Ascians truly had in greater detail. Why they wished to flood the First with light, and how that would be done on the Source to accept the oncoming amount of aether and souls. There is so much to tell him--to explain--but she finds herself falling short of being able to muster the words. Perhaps once they have slept, and once Ishgard has been free of the primal's control. Maybe then she can find the right words in the proper frame of mind to tell him all she and K'thisru had learned.
His last statement causes the tremor in her hands to grow. Oh, if only she had not; if only K'thisru had not. Her gaze lowers to her lap as her arms shake along with her hands. She has never wanted to tell him. She knows he will blame himself for not being present--despite the fact there is no way he could have been on the First. She knows he will want to travel with her even more so to keep her safe--if only his duties allowed.
But... even so... what if all he could see was the monster Emet-Selch wished her and K'thisru to become?
The hand resting on his chest raises to the hair draping over her shoulder. She grabs it, roughly raking her fingers through it, grabbing at it, tugging at it. She had told him the change was permanent and it had not been entirely voluntary. What she had purposely avoided telling him was how it became the color it is. Since then, she has come to at least accept it, as all those around her seem to rather enjoy the color of it. ]
W-we had to absorb the light from the Lightwardens--K'thisru and I. When one died, the person who killed it would be flooded with the aether and turned into a Lightwarden themselves... b-but we have Her blessing; the Blessing of Light. We could contain it; share it between us. Then, I thought... I thought we would disperse it safely once the last of the Lightwardens were gone...
[ Her hand snatches away from his to curl against her chest. A reflex as if to keep him safe from the truth of it all. Alkaid curls in on herself, attempting to become smaller to avoid hurting him more. He has already been burdened by so much in his life. How might he react to know--what if he saw her as a monster? Could he even look at her the same way if she said it? Would he see her still as the woman he fell in love with and asked to marry him?
Then, she feels familiar touch at her back. One that somehow has the force to push her forward back towards Aymeric. Her forehead comes to rest at his chest despite how she shakes and desperately tries to keep herself together.
ยซ Well, out with it, then. You've kept the poor man waiting. You stayed by his side this whole time. If he's the sort to abandon you once he's learned what happened? Then, he's not the right sort for the life you live. Still, you won't know what he thinks until you tell him. ยป
It seems someone is determined to keep their promise.
Alkaid's ears fold down to the sides of her head. She swallows the lump in he throat, but keeps her hands to her chest and tries to curl into a ball once more. ]
W-when we defeated the final Lightwarden... night came back to Khoulsia... but, we absorbed so much of it. So much light... it changed back... a-and we.. Thisru and I... we... because of the Blessing of Light we didn't.... but, for all purposes we were changed... a-and despite everything we did... light returned to the sky... Ryne contained it in us to help, a-and Ardbert helped too... but everything as buckling under it... We're fine now. Everything is where it should be and as it ought to be. But, e-even then, I...
[ Alkaid presses her hands to her face once more and sinks further. Her head held by her hands rests in his lap as she forces herself not to make the distressed sound that tries to surface. Tears find their way down her face once more and she begins to tremble. It had hurt so much. Physically, spiritually, emotionally. Seeing her sister in such pain, and worried over the Crystal Exarch. Knowing that when she looked at her hands she would see pure white when no one else would. ]
I'm not--we're not--sin eaters or Lightwardens. It's all been fixed and put back where it should be. W-when I came home... all I could think was--[ What if he can only see a monster? What if I am so broken and twisted by scars on the inside he doesn't see me anymore? ]--I'm not a monster, Aymeric. I'm not, I'm me. Lantaa--your Lantaa. Please, don't go... I-I promise, I'm...
[ She presses her hands to her mouth to try and muffle the cry that dose manage to come from her. Despite her best efforts? Another cry, followed by a sob follows as it is finally now out for him to know. Now he finally can understand why she acted the way she did upon her return home to Ishgard. ]
no subject
His last statement causes the tremor in her hands to grow. Oh, if only she had not; if only K'thisru had not. Her gaze lowers to her lap as her arms shake along with her hands. She has never wanted to tell him. She knows he will blame himself for not being present--despite the fact there is no way he could have been on the First. She knows he will want to travel with her even more so to keep her safe--if only his duties allowed.
But... even so... what if all he could see was the monster Emet-Selch wished her and K'thisru to become?
The hand resting on his chest raises to the hair draping over her shoulder. She grabs it, roughly raking her fingers through it, grabbing at it, tugging at it. She had told him the change was permanent and it had not been entirely voluntary. What she had purposely avoided telling him was how it became the color it is. Since then, she has come to at least accept it, as all those around her seem to rather enjoy the color of it. ]
W-we had to absorb the light from the Lightwardens--K'thisru and I. When one died, the person who killed it would be flooded with the aether and turned into a Lightwarden themselves... b-but we have Her blessing; the Blessing of Light. We could contain it; share it between us. Then, I thought... I thought we would disperse it safely once the last of the Lightwardens were gone...
[ Her hand snatches away from his to curl against her chest. A reflex as if to keep him safe from the truth of it all. Alkaid curls in on herself, attempting to become smaller to avoid hurting him more. He has already been burdened by so much in his life. How might he react to know--what if he saw her as a monster? Could he even look at her the same way if she said it? Would he see her still as the woman he fell in love with and asked to marry him?
Then, she feels familiar touch at her back. One that somehow has the force to push her forward back towards Aymeric. Her forehead comes to rest at his chest despite how she shakes and desperately tries to keep herself together.
ยซ Well, out with it, then. You've kept the poor man waiting. You stayed by his side this whole time. If he's the sort to abandon you once he's learned what happened? Then, he's not the right sort for the life you live. Still, you won't know what he thinks until you tell him. ยป
It seems someone is determined to keep their promise.
Alkaid's ears fold down to the sides of her head. She swallows the lump in he throat, but keeps her hands to her chest and tries to curl into a ball once more. ]
W-when we defeated the final Lightwarden... night came back to Khoulsia... but, we absorbed so much of it. So much light... it changed back... a-and we.. Thisru and I... we... because of the Blessing of Light we didn't.... but, for all purposes we were changed... a-and despite everything we did... light returned to the sky... Ryne contained it in us to help, a-and Ardbert helped too... but everything as buckling under it... We're fine now. Everything is where it should be and as it ought to be. But, e-even then, I...
[ Alkaid presses her hands to her face once more and sinks further. Her head held by her hands rests in his lap as she forces herself not to make the distressed sound that tries to surface. Tears find their way down her face once more and she begins to tremble. It had hurt so much. Physically, spiritually, emotionally. Seeing her sister in such pain, and worried over the Crystal Exarch. Knowing that when she looked at her hands she would see pure white when no one else would. ]
I'm not--we're not--sin eaters or Lightwardens. It's all been fixed and put back where it should be. W-when I came home... all I could think was--[ What if he can only see a monster? What if I am so broken and twisted by scars on the inside he doesn't see me anymore? ]--I'm not a monster, Aymeric. I'm not, I'm me. Lantaa--your Lantaa. Please, don't go... I-I promise, I'm...
[ She presses her hands to her mouth to try and muffle the cry that dose manage to come from her. Despite her best efforts? Another cry, followed by a sob follows as it is finally now out for him to know. Now he finally can understand why she acted the way she did upon her return home to Ishgard. ]