[ Try as he might to keep his mind from spinning out of control and traveling places best left alone, his thoughts have already begun slipping away from him and threatening to pull him down with them. But despite his inclination to lose himself in his thoughts, his desire to be present and there for Alkaid is, for the moment, stronger.
Still, his shoulders curl in just slightly even as she touches his chest. Part of him feels as though he should not ask her to relive what must be difficult memories for her, but she is correct in thinking that he needs to hear it in order to properly process all of it. Even so, he feels no small amount of regret for causing her pain once more.
But on the subject of the family home, he cannot help but smile even through his swirling thoughts and lingering regret. ] I- I had hoped that, if you were willing, it might become a project that the two of us worked on together.
[ Somehow, he cannot shake the feeling that his parents would approve of this. They furnished the home and made it into a home, and he did his best to continue caring for it and adding a few small touches here and there, but he knew he did not wish to change what they had done while they were alive. But now... He realizes he wishes for him and Alkaid to add their own personal touches to the house, building on the legacy of his parents and their parents before them.
And as the conversation concerning what happened while he was tempered continues, he turns sober once more. Her words wash over him, and he hears and understands every word, but he finds crafting a response difficult. Fragments of memories seep into his thoughts, helped along by her descriptions, and as he tries to make sense of the scattered images and the emotions they are beginning to stir up, his hands clench together to form fists.
His recollections of what happened are not very clear at all, but he can bring to mind feeling as though everything that makes up the entirety of who he is down to his core beliefs and allegiances was turned into something unrecognizable. Oh, he knows now from what she has said that he fought back and parts of his true self still existed in spite of Thordan's efforts, and that heartens him more than he expected it would. He was present enough to still care about her and Estinien both, which is also more than he expected.
Even so, the weight of it all, combined with the knowledge about how much King Thordan tried to bury his true self and turn him into nothing more than his Lord Commander, rests heavily on his shoulders.
His gaze turns to meet hers once more and he tries to venture a guess about what her terms were. But in his state of mind that is bordering on spiraling out of even his control, he finds he cannot. ]
I ought to be able to guess- nay, know what terms you presented, but I... I find myself being presently unable to. [ Despite his best attempts to keep his voice level so that it would not warble, it does shake a bit as he speaks those last several words as the upset he feels threatens to break through his carefully crafted attempt at remaining calm. ] I imagine that whatever your terms were, they were not well-received by King Thordan.
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Still, his shoulders curl in just slightly even as she touches his chest. Part of him feels as though he should not ask her to relive what must be difficult memories for her, but she is correct in thinking that he needs to hear it in order to properly process all of it. Even so, he feels no small amount of regret for causing her pain once more.
But on the subject of the family home, he cannot help but smile even through his swirling thoughts and lingering regret. ] I- I had hoped that, if you were willing, it might become a project that the two of us worked on together.
[ Somehow, he cannot shake the feeling that his parents would approve of this. They furnished the home and made it into a home, and he did his best to continue caring for it and adding a few small touches here and there, but he knew he did not wish to change what they had done while they were alive. But now... He realizes he wishes for him and Alkaid to add their own personal touches to the house, building on the legacy of his parents and their parents before them.
And as the conversation concerning what happened while he was tempered continues, he turns sober once more. Her words wash over him, and he hears and understands every word, but he finds crafting a response difficult. Fragments of memories seep into his thoughts, helped along by her descriptions, and as he tries to make sense of the scattered images and the emotions they are beginning to stir up, his hands clench together to form fists.
His recollections of what happened are not very clear at all, but he can bring to mind feeling as though everything that makes up the entirety of who he is down to his core beliefs and allegiances was turned into something unrecognizable. Oh, he knows now from what she has said that he fought back and parts of his true self still existed in spite of Thordan's efforts, and that heartens him more than he expected it would. He was present enough to still care about her and Estinien both, which is also more than he expected.
Even so, the weight of it all, combined with the knowledge about how much King Thordan tried to bury his true self and turn him into nothing more than his Lord Commander, rests heavily on his shoulders.
His gaze turns to meet hers once more and he tries to venture a guess about what her terms were. But in his state of mind that is bordering on spiraling out of even his control, he finds he cannot. ]
I ought to be able to guess- nay, know what terms you presented, but I... I find myself being presently unable to. [ Despite his best attempts to keep his voice level so that it would not warble, it does shake a bit as he speaks those last several words as the upset he feels threatens to break through his carefully crafted attempt at remaining calm. ] I imagine that whatever your terms were, they were not well-received by King Thordan.