I see. [ He still finds it difficult to visualize all the things she has told him about this ancient city and the people who once lived there and were recreated as shades of themselves. ] If this person has information that might turn out to be useful, perhaps... Perhaps you should make a return trip there. Never mind how reluctant I am to let you go.
[ He has no ownership over her, although he thinks of her as his lady and his dearest, but the fact remains that she is free to go where she wills, if that is what she decides to do. As has already been established many times before now, he misses her when she is away, but that is simply the lot that has been cast for them.
But as far as his doubts concerning himself and his worth... Those are not so easily put aside, as she has also seen several times before now. That people love him and need him, he does not dispute, but he simply maintains that he is no more important than anyone else. Anyone else could have led Ishgard as he did, if they possessed similar motivations. His were, and are, not unique in any fashion, and neither is the path that he has chosen to walk.
A part of him believes that the life that he leads could just as easily have been someone else's, if fate decided to weave things differently. Another man could have stood at Alkaid's side, and perhaps that man would have inspired her to do even greater things than she already has done. And perhaps that man would not seem to upset her as much as he, Aymeric, does.
Oh, they have had many happy moments together, and moments in which both of them held and comforted the other and brought each other to a peaceful, relaxed state. But he fears that all he does is bring her hurt and disappointment more than he brings her joy and happiness. And perhaps if another man were here in his stead, she would have more of those moments and less of ones that bring her distress.
But he voices none of this, because he is certain that even giving a hint of what he is thinking would hurt her even further, and that is the last thing he intends. Even so, his shoulders curl forward as the weight of his thoughts presses down on him once more. He cannot help the reaction, but he does not wish to place the burden of his twisting thoughts upon her when it is clear to him that she is still very much wrestling with her own burdens and worries.
He is listening to every word she says, because how can he not? Her voice draws him in, as does every move she makes. It is his own voice he does not trust at the moment, and so he merely listens, but his entire being is focused upon her and what she says.
When she nudges her nose against his jaw, his eyes slide closed for a fraction of a second, and he leans into that slight touch almost reflexively.
The more she speaks, the more his emotions begin to churn and rise, but he desperately tries to press them back down again lest the dam break and everything he has worked to keep inside comes spilling out. He already believes he does not deserve her love or her care, and yet she offers both to him willingly.
And to hear her speak of how much she loves and needs him, although he does not need the verbal reminder, further causes his heart to ache. Simply put, he loves her more than he has ever loved anyone, and yet he still feels wholly inadequate and undeserving of her.
Her words turn to describing her reactions to the assassination attempt that occurred on the city streets, and for a moment, he freezes in place. Some of those events are little better than blurs in his mind, but he can distinctly recall the attack and being carried from the street to the healers and the mingled pain and fear he felt, knowing that his own people attacked him. Enmeshed in all of that was a feeling that he had not acted in the best interests of his people, and that was why they felt they needed to remove him from the picture.
Even now, he still has not fully come to terms with everything he felt during and after the attack, but so much has happened that he had to push that to the side, but more importantly... a good portion of his thoughts and feelings have been devoted to being there for Alkaid as much as he can. And if he is being honest, it is the happiness that he has when he is with her that keeps his darker thoughts at bay. There are times when those thoughts manage to slip through, but overall, he knows that he is the happiest he has been in some time.
And knowing he has been silent for too long while she spoke and he listened, he squeezes her hand firmly but gently, and with his other hand, he lightly touches her face so that he might wipe away the tears that are falling there.
He has long thought about how he might move forward with the wounds that he still carries and the love that she offers him, and, well... the answer seems clear enough to him. Putting aside the hurts from the past is not an easy task, but he can do it with her by his side.
His hand moves from brushing away her tears to gently caress her cheek, and he finally finds his voice once more. ]
You already have begun doing just that, Lantaa. And... lest there be any doubt, none love you as much as I do. [ He says that, knowing that there are those who love her, including her own sister, and he would not usurp those positions, especially not K'thisru's, but he loves her with the entirety of his being.
And having said that, he leans in slightly so that he might press a kiss to her lips. ]
no subject
[ He has no ownership over her, although he thinks of her as his lady and his dearest, but the fact remains that she is free to go where she wills, if that is what she decides to do. As has already been established many times before now, he misses her when she is away, but that is simply the lot that has been cast for them.
But as far as his doubts concerning himself and his worth... Those are not so easily put aside, as she has also seen several times before now. That people love him and need him, he does not dispute, but he simply maintains that he is no more important than anyone else. Anyone else could have led Ishgard as he did, if they possessed similar motivations. His were, and are, not unique in any fashion, and neither is the path that he has chosen to walk.
A part of him believes that the life that he leads could just as easily have been someone else's, if fate decided to weave things differently. Another man could have stood at Alkaid's side, and perhaps that man would have inspired her to do even greater things than she already has done. And perhaps that man would not seem to upset her as much as he, Aymeric, does.
Oh, they have had many happy moments together, and moments in which both of them held and comforted the other and brought each other to a peaceful, relaxed state. But he fears that all he does is bring her hurt and disappointment more than he brings her joy and happiness. And perhaps if another man were here in his stead, she would have more of those moments and less of ones that bring her distress.
But he voices none of this, because he is certain that even giving a hint of what he is thinking would hurt her even further, and that is the last thing he intends. Even so, his shoulders curl forward as the weight of his thoughts presses down on him once more. He cannot help the reaction, but he does not wish to place the burden of his twisting thoughts upon her when it is clear to him that she is still very much wrestling with her own burdens and worries.
He is listening to every word she says, because how can he not? Her voice draws him in, as does every move she makes. It is his own voice he does not trust at the moment, and so he merely listens, but his entire being is focused upon her and what she says.
When she nudges her nose against his jaw, his eyes slide closed for a fraction of a second, and he leans into that slight touch almost reflexively.
The more she speaks, the more his emotions begin to churn and rise, but he desperately tries to press them back down again lest the dam break and everything he has worked to keep inside comes spilling out. He already believes he does not deserve her love or her care, and yet she offers both to him willingly.
And to hear her speak of how much she loves and needs him, although he does not need the verbal reminder, further causes his heart to ache. Simply put, he loves her more than he has ever loved anyone, and yet he still feels wholly inadequate and undeserving of her.
Her words turn to describing her reactions to the assassination attempt that occurred on the city streets, and for a moment, he freezes in place. Some of those events are little better than blurs in his mind, but he can distinctly recall the attack and being carried from the street to the healers and the mingled pain and fear he felt, knowing that his own people attacked him. Enmeshed in all of that was a feeling that he had not acted in the best interests of his people, and that was why they felt they needed to remove him from the picture.
Even now, he still has not fully come to terms with everything he felt during and after the attack, but so much has happened that he had to push that to the side, but more importantly... a good portion of his thoughts and feelings have been devoted to being there for Alkaid as much as he can. And if he is being honest, it is the happiness that he has when he is with her that keeps his darker thoughts at bay. There are times when those thoughts manage to slip through, but overall, he knows that he is the happiest he has been in some time.
And knowing he has been silent for too long while she spoke and he listened, he squeezes her hand firmly but gently, and with his other hand, he lightly touches her face so that he might wipe away the tears that are falling there.
He has long thought about how he might move forward with the wounds that he still carries and the love that she offers him, and, well... the answer seems clear enough to him. Putting aside the hurts from the past is not an easy task, but he can do it with her by his side.
His hand moves from brushing away her tears to gently caress her cheek, and he finally finds his voice once more. ]
You already have begun doing just that, Lantaa. And... lest there be any doubt, none love you as much as I do. [ He says that, knowing that there are those who love her, including her own sister, and he would not usurp those positions, especially not K'thisru's, but he loves her with the entirety of his being.
And having said that, he leans in slightly so that he might press a kiss to her lips. ]