synthneon | FF PSL | ❝ for those we can yet save. ❞

[ Although she knows that it is an unfair question to ask, and even though she knows why he is doing what he is, part of her still rails against the notion that he can just appear at various points along her timeline, hoping to find the right one. His intentions are evidently good, as he is concerned with saving their star, but even so, she cannot help but feel a little frustrated because of it.

By now, she knows that she cannot reach out and touch him, because he is only a projection, but she has always been too impulsive especially when her emotions are running high, and now is no exception to that.

Rather than answer right away, she steps closer to him and reaches out to snatch at his hood. He isn't too much taller than she is, but she still has to stand on her toes in order to get close enough. And of course, her hand passes right through as she knew it would, but if they were in person, the state of her temper would have been enough to cause her to want to pull his hood off, or at least try to. ]

I had to do that, at least once. [ She shakes her head with another huff before her shoulders drop and she tries to calm herself once more. ] I know that it wouldn't have worked, but-

[ She scuffs one foot against the ground, no longer really angry, just reluctantly resigned to being several steps behind him, at least for now. ]

[ The Crystal Exarch stands as if his whole body is made of the very mineral that has already claimed his arm. It is... so much harder than he had originally thought. Perhaps he should not have attempted to reach out as he has; mayhap he should have merely stayed with the idea of the Calling despite its dangers. Of course, both options are a cowards way out. The situation is at it is and of his own making.

His eyes shut despite the fact he knows full well she cannot remove his hood. There is a hope that if his eyes remained shut she may not discern his identity. Even there are other telling sides of who he is. His hands clutch slightly at his sides.

What is he to say? He has explained what he can, apologized, even though he knows the words will ring hollow and remain flat. She has no need to trust him when his identity is shrouded from her. No amount of words will ease her justified frustration and mistrust.

Perhaps he ought to take his leave. ]

[ He is also upset, that much is obvious. Part of her says that it is his own doing that is causing the upset for both of them, but there's another part of her that is much more sympathetic. She... Well, she just has a funny way of showing it.

This time, she stamps her foot lightly on the ground, and instead of trying and failing to remove his hood, she reaches for his face. ]

Come on, don't look like that. I can't really see you because of that silly hood, but I think you look better smiling.

[ She knows she's done what her sister has told her not to do: she has been too honest, too open with her thoughts and feelings, and it's obvious to her that she's hurt him in the process. ]

It isn't even you I'm mad at. [ What is she mad at, then? Time itself? ] All right, well, I am a little, but I want...

[ This time, she places her hand against his face, or as close as she can get without her hand phasing through him. ]

I want to help you, and I want you to not be so sad.

[ The Crystal Exarch's gaze raises from underneath his hood. Better with a smile? Hm. Perhaps, but there is little to smile for. Especially knowing that she might very well despise him by the end of the journey he must ask her to take. His head tucks down ever so slightly as he searches for the right words to say. ]

There is very little to be happy about. We make our small moments, we remember how to smile, and we fight with everything that we are. However... I believe I can bring something back to them from our conversation. Snow is not available to us, but, substitutions can be made.

[ He is certain someone will complain of how supplies are limited. That it is not the time for such frivolities. Yet, he has learned a valuable lesson from her. ]

I will endeavor to keep a smile henceforth. It is, after all, advice from the esteemed Warrior of Light.

[ Once again, she realizes too late how that sounds: flippant and ignorant of everything he and his people are going through. ]

I- I didn't mean it like that. Of course it would be hard to smile when in a situation like yours. [ Whatever it is, since she still doesn't know what struggle they're actually facing. Her ears lower as does her tail, because she feels helpless to actually do anything for them, no matter how much she wishes she could.

If she had a hood of her own, she would use it to hide her eyes from him right now, because she feels as though she doesn't deserve his praise or his admiration, not after just upsetting him. ]

What can I do to help you right now? [ Her earlier thought that she might continue showing him around the city feels foolish in light of his reactions, but she must do something truly meaningful and more than just a well-intentioned but ultimately pointless request to smile. ]

And yet, simply because it is hard does not mean it is the wrong thing to do. The hardest things are often the correct course of action. Sometimes being reminded of that fact, regardless of how harsh or cruel it might seem, is what one ought to do.

[ Despite all that has been said? He does smile at her. This situation is of his own making after all. He has elected to contact her and her sister in such a manner in a gentler way; to save them both pain and struggle in learning new magick. ]

Continue to smile and remind old men such as myself the joy it brings. As for something less abstract and more immediate? I do believe you had mentioned showing me something.

[ Rather than being reassured (and knowing that she ought to be reassuring him), she briefly looks away as if ashamed of herself and what she is certain is thoughtlessness. ]

Of course. That only makes sense, but I wouldn't want you or your people thinking that I was completely thoughtless and not thinking at all about what you're going through. [ If she could just find a way to reach them, timeline or no timeline, in order to do some useful action to help them, she would. But even with all of her stubbornness and will, she knows she can't do that, not until the time is right.

She remembers belatedly that she wished to bring him to what she considers the best vantage point in the city. It isn't even a place she found on her own, but rather, it happens to be the favored spot of a certain Lord Speaker. ]

Yes, I do want to show you something. [ She would take hold of his hand as they walked along if only she could, but she has to just settle for offering him the warmest smile she can manage. ] It isn't far from here at all.

I know of your heart. Your deeds alone reflect it as such. My people will know of you and your heart once they see your deeds. Many might have their opinions based on which side of conflict or morals they stand. However, truth will prevail in the end.

[ He raises his crystal hand to gesture for her to lead on. The Crystal Exarch falls into step along side her with ease. A moment like this may never happen again. After all, if fate allows, when next they meet he will be asking for her assistance and guiding her moves forward.

The spot she leads them to is quiet, tucked away from most in the city, yet not so much that one would be apart from it. It gives a vantage over a decent side of the comings and goings of the city from what he can see. ]

A humble and quaint space you've found. I imagine that you might come here often.

[ Her ears had lifted again as she listened to him speak, but as he went on, they lowered until they were flattened against her head once more. It isn't that she doubts his words or herself, but it still troubles her that there is nothing she can do in this moment to aid him or his people. He speaks of a time in the future, but who knows how many will have fallen by that time? Even one person lost is one too many, in her mind.

She doesn't even have a proper response for him, because it feels as though her deeds pale in comparison to the greater struggles that people like him are going through. ]

Oh, I didn't find it. A- [ She corrects herself, having grown too accustomed to shedding the title when it is just her and her sister. ] The Lord Commander found this spot. It is actually his favorite place to be, and I just happen to come by here when I can. [ And when Aymeric is not there, because she doesn't wish to intrude. ]

Edited 2022-01-14 06:55 (UTC)

He does not mind sharing the spot in which he claims? A true man of virtue. [ As the tales had painted him to be. ] I would say, if you will allow me to impart council, that you ought find a place of your own to enjoy the city. This city is large and imposing. Yet, a steady heart is at the core. There might be one place yet you can feel yourself at and not be in the shadow of another.

[ The Crystal Exarch turns his head to her with a gentle smile. ] There is a place in my city which I visit to clear my mind. The mountains are in the distance, and one can see any that might enter. Yet, if one closes their eyes there, they may yet still feel the gentle pulse of life that begs to come to fruition. It is not the stillness or the quietness I seek. Rather, proof that others desire to live and wish to see a better future.

The place you may find should instill within you the emotions you seek to find. Peace and a gentle heartbeat amid the snow, or a place of hope and liveliness.

Tell me, my friend. What is it you seek on our beloved star?

Edited 2022-01-15 07:46 (UTC)

If he has, he hasn't told me. But I try not to come there too often, because it is his chosen spot, after all. [ She smiles at his words and nods. ] That is a good way to describe him. [ He might as well be Ishgard's foundation and the heart of the city-state. One does not have to look too closely at him and the things he does to determine that. ] You're right, of course. I should do that, but I haven't found one just yet.

[ She falls silent so that she might listen to every word he says, not wanting to miss even one of them. ] One day, I will see your city for myself, and the place you speak of, if you're willing to show it to me. [ Because to hear him describe it, she can almost picture it in her mind's eye: not down to the last detail, of course, but somehow, his words are creating an image in her head regardless. ]

What do I seek? [ She taps one finger against her chin as she mulls this over. ]

You said it yourself: peace. I know I run headfirst looking for adventure, but I wouldn't mind just finding a place to settle down that I could come back home to when I'm able.

[ It seems to her, though, that peace is an elusive thing, showing itself for a brief moment before being drowned out by wars and strife. She also can't help but wonder how long Ishgard will remain in a state of peace. For the sake of those who live there and who have languished in times of war, she hopes that it is a long time yet. ]

[ A nod of agreement is given. She will most certainly see his city one day, for countless lives depend on it. She might see what it could become and the promise upheld that she would never know of. For, if it all goes accordingly, she will never know who it is underneath the hood. All of the pain will be made worth it in the end. She and her sister would continue to smile onwards, leading those underneath their wings. ]

You most certainly shall.

[ He pauses in thought. ] Peace... is that truly in its entirety you seek?

[ Part of him cannot begin to believe it would be such a simple thing. Peace can play out in many different ways. Perhaps she has not decided what that peace may yet be. There are yet still deeds for her to see and adventures yet to live.

A smile spreads on his face then as an idea takes him. While she is what teaches him lesson after lesson? Perhaps he might yet give her one lesson. One small part of him to give in hopes something may be remembered. ]

I... might have an idea. If you would take a moment to humor me for a time more. And, if you are feeling rather daring on this Starlight Eve.

I know how it sounds: hopelessly naive, too optimistic, and yet I can't help but wish for it for everyone, not just me. [ She is certain that they might never know a period of complete, unspoiled peace, but rather a brief reprieve, but still... She cannot stop herself from wishing for a future like that. ] I wish that all wars and fighting could end. [ She ducks her head and smiles an embarrassed sort of smile. ]

I know, what a silly wish.

[ What she has is a broad wish for peace for everyone. She hasn't begun to think about how peace for herself and her loved ones would look. ]

An idea? [ Her ears twitch and perk up. ] What sort of idea? [ And then she chuckles, unable to stop herself. ]

Am I feeling daring? Will I humor you? Of course. I heard someone say once that daring should be my middle name.

[ If she could, she'd reach for his hands to give them a fond sort of squeeze. ]

Of course I'll humor you, for as long as you need.

An idealistic wish, but far from silly. Where would the world be if we did not have the idealist to dream the plans those of action put into fruition? [ He shakes his head at her. ] And, is your sister not as idealistic as you? I would say both are needed.

[ The Exarch turns to face her fully then. He measures her reaction before nodding. ]

Let us test you. You know Ishgard well, and thus, finding a place of your own should not be difficult. However, you rely on what you see others do and what they chose. In order to find a place to call your own, where you might yet be you with none else in the way? You must listen to your heart.

Close your eyes. Allow the sounds of the city to fade away. Then, turn, and start to walk. Your feet will guide you to the place your heart believes it might find what you dream for.

And, as to make sure you are not discovered, I will walk with you.

[ Well, he certainly has given her a lot to take in and think about. She still thinks of her sister as the more practical one between the two of them, but perhaps they both have a touch of idealism.

And as he goes on to talk about listening to her heart and trying to find her own place within the city, she pays close attention even as something inside her seems to shrink. Perhaps the real reason why she goes charging headlong into situations seemingly without a care is because she doesn't quite know how to listen to her heart.

Maybe he'll be the one who teaches her something too. ]

All right, I think that I can manage that. [ Feeling unsure of herself, she lets her eyes slide closed and does her best to let sight and sound fade. ] You won't let me trip, will you?

[ She manages a half-grin even as she takes her first steps forward. ]

Most certainly not. If need be, I shall shout at the top of my lungs to keep you from a misstep.

[ If he were there proper, he would take her by the arms to keep her from harm. The sound of his voice instead will have to do.

The Exarch falls into step beside her, ruby eyes intently watching where she might lead the pair of them. He carefully watches as the move about the path, gently saying if she is close to walking into something. Then, as they walk from the Last Vigil, a deep pain surges in his arm. He bites his lip to keep from making a sound as his hand of flesh grabs his crystal arm. No change can be visibly seen, but oh, he can feel it deep inside himself. While it yet has to travel upwards on his arm? It is the inside of his arm that feels as if it might become rock solid.

A payment for an extended visit it would seem. One that he will gladly pay... and one she does not see as she intently attempts to follow his advice. ]

Well, I appreciate that. If I tripped or fell, I would have to explain what I was doing to my sister, and more than likely, she wouldn't understand. [ But in case he gets the wrong idea about his sister, she is quick to add: ] She would laugh even as she patches me up, of course, and say that I haven't changed at all since our childhood days.

[ She continues making her way along, doing her best to keep her senses focused on the goal: finding a place that appeals to her mind's eye and to her heart as well. She only feels a little bit foolish as she goes about following his instructions, wondering what passersby might think if they spot her.

Of course, with her eyes closed, she can't see his actions and therefore, she has no idea that anything is amiss, but when he seemingly goes silent for what feels to her like a longer period of time, she asks: ] You haven't disappeared once more, have you? [ She could open her eyes, but she decides to ask her question first, and then if there is no answer, she'll temporarily pause this test of his. ]

Ah, well, for both of our sakes? I certainly hope she might understand. Otherwise asking for your aid might be harder than I first anticipated... [ There he goes once more, overthinking quite a few things. But, this time, he manages to stop himself and merely smile at her even if she cannot see it. ] Have you changed much since your childhood--ah, step to the right. There is a small indent in the pavement...

[ He grits through the pain and clenches his fist. After a brief moment he raises his head and waits until his voice might not convey the sudden pain he experienced. ]

I full well intend to have proper goodbyes this time. I... should apologize for disappearing as such the first time we met. It was a combination of my fortitude failing me and an emergency taking the city.

Oh, I know she will. She might be exasperated, even a little annoyed, but she will absolutely understand. [ She tilts her head to one side, forgetting that doing certain actions with her eyes closed has the tendency to make her a little dizzy. She does step to the right, not because of his instruction, but because she's having a brief clumsy moment. ] You know that friends help each other out, right? I know that I don't know you well, but since this is our second time meeting, I think that I can call you a friend. And it sounds much better than 'acquaintance', don't you think?

[ If only she could reach out to him and take his hand, but alas... That will have to wait until they meet in person. ]

Well, that's good, because if we parted ways without a goodbye this time, I would be a little miffed. Not at you, just at whatever it is that keeps pulling you away.

[ And although she has very little to base this on, she's inclined to think it's not because of a lack of fortitude on his part. Something else is going on here, and it seems to her that he has plenty of fortitude. ] Is everything all right with the city?

[ His hands raise slightly to aid her as she seems to stumble, but her arm goes through his hands. It is a small painful reminder that he is not truly there. His eyes close for a brief moment to compose himself. Let it not be said that the Exarch never acts out of a failure of his character... even now. ]

Friends, is it? Hmm. I suppose I should expect no less. You and your sister were always gifted at befriending others.

[ It takes all of his might not to react more than in voice. His heart speeds up. How long has it been since he heard her call him as such? Friend. When he was a young man, he had always felt that whenever she looked his way? She looked at him but never truly saw him. She saw the strapping young adventurer who tried to understand his lineage and his destiny, but not the man who was driven as a scholar, who wished to adventure as much as she did. Now, he is quite older, and things greater than that wish call him to action.

He thought he had outgrown that desire and that wish. Yet, in that moment, he wishes nothing more to be able to follow her on her next adventure. Ah... dreams. So many dreams. Those he has been entrusted with must come first, even at the cost of his own. ]

The situation my city finds itself in. Perhaps our foes could use a scolding from you. [ He jests to mask the complex emotions swirling in side him. ] Attacks come at any moment, and then there is our rather complex political situation. The former is the more pressing matter.

[ The smallest part of her wishes once again that she could reach out to him and actually have him feel something, but by now, she knows that it would change nothing if she were to express those thoughts again. Little does she know that he tried and failed to assist her. ]

Of course, friends. [ She smiles a little bit bashfully at his statement about the apparent ease with which she and her sister make friends, because she is the last person who would claim that. Even so, it does not seem difficult to her to reach out to others and extend the hand of friendship.

Eventually, though, her expression turns sober once more as she listens to him describe the state of his city and his people. That she feels sympathetic is understating it by a considerable amount. More to the point, she feels largely helpless because at the moment, she is unable to do anything to assist. ]

Oh, if I met them, I would give them more than just a scolding. What is it that makes your situation so complicated?

Friends it will be.

[ Although, perhaps, a friend would not ask of her what he will. It would be more akin to the mysterious wizard or even pawnmaster in epic tales. Should that be the role me must play to assure dreams are fulfilled? He will play it with no questions asked. Even if it means her ire and hatred. ]

Our situation... what can be said of it? [ He inhales and closes his eyes as he thinks. ] I suppose, simply put into one word? Annihilation.

Which is why I seek the help of the fabled and storied Warriors of Light. However, certain things must align before... well... perhaps I have said too much already.

[ At that, she tenses, and she takes another misstep. This time, she doesn't manage to catch herself as deftly, and the resulting stumble is a little bit harder for her to recover from. She manages it at the last minute, but she is more focused on reaching to take hold of the arm (either one, because in this moment, his crystal arm is the last thing on her mind) that she knows she can't touch. ]

What happens if, by the time things align, it's too late to help? [ Because if the situation that he and his people are facing only has annihilation as the outcome, it does not sound to her as though time is on their side. ] By the time we finally get to meet you, what if-

[ She finds she can't even give voice to those words. ]

[ Once more his hands reach out to catch her, only to be reminded of the harsh reality that he is not truly at her side. A deep pain settles in his blossom as he watches her stumble and correct herself, his hand still reached out to her. The ruby eyes beneath his hood stare at her as her words settle in. Of course, it serves as yet another reminder of how daft and inconceivable his plan is... ]

I promise you, K'thisru. We will survive long enough to see you. And, furthermore, we will survive after the matter. We are a resilient bunch and drive ever onwards to create a place of hope when others may not believe it exists.

So, please. Frett not so on our behalf just yet. [ He studies her over and smiles gently. ] For now, perhaps we have walked too far. We might revisit this excerise at another time.

[ Finally, with just a touch of reluctance, she opens her eyes once more. While she would like nothing more than to find a place within Ishgard's walls that might serve as a refuge of sorts, she knows she is too unsettled by the notion that the Exarch and his people are facing a dire situation and that there is nothing she can do to assist. ]

I have no doubts that you are resilient, but I- [ She turns so that she is looking at him in full now, and she knows her worry is plain on her face. ] I feel as though I must fret on your behalf.

[ And she is certain that she will continue to do so, even though other matters might temporarily take the forefront in her mind. Until she finally meets him and his people in the flesh, she knows she will fret and worry, but also pray for their safety and well-being. ]

I'm sorry, your idea is a good one. [ She is just too unsettled now to conjure up the calmness needed for such an exercise. ]

FF PSL | ❝ for those we can yet save. ❞

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