[ If only time would allow it, he would gladly remain like this with her close beside him and her fingers running through his hair. The action is calming, and although his thoughts and feelings both feel incredibly raw, having her nearby is soothing some of the hurt and weight he's been carrying.
While he very much desires to lie down next to her, he knows that he could not knowingly carry out the same actions that his birth father had done. Perhaps nothing would happen, and the outcome would be different, but he is not willing to leave that to chance. Perhaps if they were linked together as a couple, intending to marry, it would be different, but he would not dare even dream of such a thing. Surely she would not wish to settle down with someone like him, who will always have oaths and responsibilities to others that need to be fulfilled.
He could not tie her down and prevent her from living whatever sort of life she wishes to have. He, too, knows that sacrifices are often necessary, and he has told himself he must do his best to not let his heart grow too fond of her.
Never mind that those particular seeds may well have been planted. ]
I would never, as I am certain you know. [ Her very next words confirm that, and he nods as if to underline it further. ] Would that they had lived longer, that I might ask for their thoughts and their approval if they would give it. Even if all they had to offer was disapproval, I would take that in stride as well.
[ He lets out a sigh then, because he still cannot help but question himself and the decisions he has made thus far. ]
If only I had your confidence. [ He has confidence in his people, and in Lucia and the Temple Knights. He even has the confidence to present a bold and determined exterior when in the company of others. That he is presently gripped by his fears and doubts should not detract from that; or at least, that is what he hopes. When morning comes, everything that transpired this night will have to be nothing more than a memory.
The mask of the Lord Commander must slip firmly back in place, and he means to ensure that it does. ]
Of course. Who better to assist with the crafting of plans than her? And, again, I am not ungrateful for your assistance. This- [ He points to his scrawled notes. ] This clearly would have been a lacking effort if not for you.
[ Still, those burdens weigh quite heavily on his shoulders even now, and although he does not resist, allowing her to guide him where she will, the look of one who is weary of carrying such a weight on his own for so long is plainly written in his gaze. ]
Then I too am very serious. You also must rest, for I am sure you are every bit as tired, perhaps more.
[ If not for the complete impropriety of it, he would invite her into his bed, that they could lie together and offer each other what comfort they could. The idea still calls to him, but he knows it would be wholly foolish and would bring disgrace to House Borel if anyone were to learn of it.
Instead, he settles for leaning into the kiss and deepening it just slightly. ]
no subject
While he very much desires to lie down next to her, he knows that he could not knowingly carry out the same actions that his birth father had done. Perhaps nothing would happen, and the outcome would be different, but he is not willing to leave that to chance. Perhaps if they were linked together as a couple, intending to marry, it would be different, but he would not dare even dream of such a thing. Surely she would not wish to settle down with someone like him, who will always have oaths and responsibilities to others that need to be fulfilled.
He could not tie her down and prevent her from living whatever sort of life she wishes to have. He, too, knows that sacrifices are often necessary, and he has told himself he must do his best to not let his heart grow too fond of her.
Never mind that those particular seeds may well have been planted. ]
I would never, as I am certain you know. [ Her very next words confirm that, and he nods as if to underline it further. ] Would that they had lived longer, that I might ask for their thoughts and their approval if they would give it. Even if all they had to offer was disapproval, I would take that in stride as well.
[ He lets out a sigh then, because he still cannot help but question himself and the decisions he has made thus far. ]
If only I had your confidence. [ He has confidence in his people, and in Lucia and the Temple Knights. He even has the confidence to present a bold and determined exterior when in the company of others. That he is presently gripped by his fears and doubts should not detract from that; or at least, that is what he hopes. When morning comes, everything that transpired this night will have to be nothing more than a memory.
The mask of the Lord Commander must slip firmly back in place, and he means to ensure that it does. ]
Of course. Who better to assist with the crafting of plans than her? And, again, I am not ungrateful for your assistance. This- [ He points to his scrawled notes. ] This clearly would have been a lacking effort if not for you.
[ Still, those burdens weigh quite heavily on his shoulders even now, and although he does not resist, allowing her to guide him where she will, the look of one who is weary of carrying such a weight on his own for so long is plainly written in his gaze. ]
Then I too am very serious. You also must rest, for I am sure you are every bit as tired, perhaps more.
[ If not for the complete impropriety of it, he would invite her into his bed, that they could lie together and offer each other what comfort they could. The idea still calls to him, but he knows it would be wholly foolish and would bring disgrace to House Borel if anyone were to learn of it.
Instead, he settles for leaning into the kiss and deepening it just slightly. ]