[ She's never asked him for what he believes he can wish for, only what he truly desires, but he still can't shake the feeling that it isn't his place to wish for anything beyond the well-being of his friends or what they might desire for themselves.
Part of him doesn't even know what he might want or ask for even if he allowed himself to. It's true that there was something he desired, but he's mostly forgotten what that was, mostly due to his concern for her and his wish to see her back to normal. That wish does trump nearly everything else, after all.
Another thought enters his mind then; he was a Pharaoh once, with subjects who looked to him to take care of the kingdom and by extension, to take care of them as well. He might not remember what sort of ruler he was or if he was loved or hated by the people he ruled over, but whether he remembers it or not, he feels as though it's still his responsibility to care for the people closest to him. If he can't rise up even in the face of whatever trials get thrown at him, then what use is he, after all?
Lunafreya and Gentiana might insist that none of this is his responsibility or his fault, but he still can't shake the feeling that the opposite is true. He put Yugi in harm's way, and now Lunafreya is also experiencing a trial of her own. No, if there's anything he wishes for, it's that he'll have the strength to set everything to rights and restore Lunafreya to how she's meant to be: whole and unharmed.
And truthfully, whether he'll allow himself to admit it or not, it's her soft movements and touches that he responds to the most. As long as he's able, he'll always respond to her, but part of him needs the affection that she offers. He doesn't know why that is, or what might have happened to him in the past that made him feel that way, but he can't help it.
When she places her hand against the back of his head, he unconsciously leans into her touch as the words he wants to say fight against the walls he's thrown up. It hardly seems becoming for a king to express himself so freely, but still, his feelings crash against those walls like a wave crashing on the shore.
She might feel him begin to shake once more beneath her hold as he wrestles with that feeling that he must comport himself as he thinks a pharaoh would and the desire to just tell her everything that's weighing on him. It might not be fair to her, not when she's already weighed down herself, but there are some things that just can't be held back. ]
I'm- [ Words finally come, but they're inadequate and not at all what he wants to say. ]
no subject
Part of him doesn't even know what he might want or ask for even if he allowed himself to. It's true that there was something he desired, but he's mostly forgotten what that was, mostly due to his concern for her and his wish to see her back to normal. That wish does trump nearly everything else, after all.
Another thought enters his mind then; he was a Pharaoh once, with subjects who looked to him to take care of the kingdom and by extension, to take care of them as well. He might not remember what sort of ruler he was or if he was loved or hated by the people he ruled over, but whether he remembers it or not, he feels as though it's still his responsibility to care for the people closest to him. If he can't rise up even in the face of whatever trials get thrown at him, then what use is he, after all?
Lunafreya and Gentiana might insist that none of this is his responsibility or his fault, but he still can't shake the feeling that the opposite is true. He put Yugi in harm's way, and now Lunafreya is also experiencing a trial of her own. No, if there's anything he wishes for, it's that he'll have the strength to set everything to rights and restore Lunafreya to how she's meant to be: whole and unharmed.
And truthfully, whether he'll allow himself to admit it or not, it's her soft movements and touches that he responds to the most. As long as he's able, he'll always respond to her, but part of him needs the affection that she offers. He doesn't know why that is, or what might have happened to him in the past that made him feel that way, but he can't help it.
When she places her hand against the back of his head, he unconsciously leans into her touch as the words he wants to say fight against the walls he's thrown up. It hardly seems becoming for a king to express himself so freely, but still, his feelings crash against those walls like a wave crashing on the shore.
She might feel him begin to shake once more beneath her hold as he wrestles with that feeling that he must comport himself as he thinks a pharaoh would and the desire to just tell her everything that's weighing on him. It might not be fair to her, not when she's already weighed down herself, but there are some things that just can't be held back. ]
I'm- [ Words finally come, but they're inadequate and not at all what he wants to say. ]
I can't. [ A pause. ] I'm sorry.